endings suck

so it is 9pm on saturday night, i'm at my work trying to schedule a meeting for monday or tuesday, but the server seems to be down on all my office building computers. strangely, wireless is working (after having no wireless in my building for the last 2 weeks). strangeness. Wireless at my apartment has disappeared, and right now, I'm just not willing to take on one more expense. Maybe in a few months when other spending is more regular I'll be willing, but right now it is the principle of the thing. I just won't. harumph. so blogging will be sporadic...not the end of the world.

This has been a week of a lot of goodbyes. My friend and found-cousin Paul left this week for the west coast. He and his wonderful partner T will be traveling for months, and may never permanently return to Boulder. I don't know when I'll see him again. He's one of my best friends and I miss him terribly already. Just knowing he's not up the street makes me sad. No more happy hours with him at the St. Ju or hangouts at his place staying up late into the night with the munchies and DVR.

Earlier this week, we met with and signed with our real estate agents. The house will be on the market next weekend. Today and Sunday we're garage sale-ing a ton of stuff at the longmont house. I got up at 5:15am today to get up to the house before the start of the 7am sale. I'll be doing same tomorrow. My gorgeous yellow room is being painted white.

I found out yesterday that one of my chickens, Stripe, died earlier this week.

We sold Brinca. She was picked up later in the afternoon by her new family. I started crying about 10 seconds after they pulled away. I went out to open a gate for the animals and ended up sitting down in the pen with my face in my hands sobbing. I've been crying on and off since. When doing evening chores, I went out into the big pasture with the girls and sat in the grass and talked to my animals and cried. I told them I was sorry for not being able to continue to care for them. I was sorry I wasn't going to be able to see the new baby, Kombucho, grow up. I was sorry I wouldn't be there for their entire lives like I thought I might be. Pokie is due in the fall, and her belly is getting bigger...I could see the baby moving and I talked to that unborn baby saying I was sorry that I might never get to meet it out in the world.

endings suck.