update on my life

So it has been over a month since I've blogged and so much has gone on. I don't have email access outside of work, so my emailing and blogging have become incredibly irregular.

My divorce papers were filed with the Boulder County courts last Friday. The divorce will be finalized in mid-January, 2008. Michael and I had a really sweet evening together last Friday and then said good bye. He left on Saturday for parts unknown, with his truck and a few possessions that he has chosen to keep. Saying goodbye on Friday night was hard. It was sad. I've been crying a lot lately. I'm sad to say goodbye to someone who has been my friend and my partner for over a decade. And as sad as I am, I know it is the right thing for me. I know it is time for me to continue on my journey without him.

Mixed up in all this, I've started exploring a new relationship. Yes, I know, "what?!" Starting something new as my marriage ends wasn't what I had in mind when I left. And yet, my heart is called.

Things at work have been totally crazy. One of my staff is leaving next week, and we haven't even posted the ad for her job yet due to some complex bureaucratic stuff. So as she's been phasing out, I've been picking up duties that normally wouldn't be part of my daily work.

The house got rented last week, and we've sold several alpacas in the last month. Trying to sell the herd has been another source of work and emotion There has been a lot of phone calls, emails, and paperwork along with lots of crying as my babies are getting sold. Pocahontes was sold to some people in Kansas, but is still here because she was so close to her due date. Pokie delivered a healthy baby girl 2 weeks ago which was great, but she's not my girl and never will be. I've been up to the place where she's boarded twice to see the baby. Amcharo will be going to Kansas, too. Maya is going to be moving to south Denver. We've still got some left, but my kids are now spread out at 5 different ranches.

I've been sick twice in the last month, once out for a week with stomach flu and now I've got some yucky sniffles. I never get sick, so to get hit like this twice in a month is a clear signal that I need to slow down. Last weekend I slept most of the day Saturday and has a pretty mellow Sunday reading and watching the snow (yes, the first snow was Oct. 21!) It was really my first down time in over a month (see last blog). I just bought some yarn to start a new project this weekend, and I hope to have time to hang out with friends.

I seem to be at the edge of a lot lately...on the edge of physical exhaustion, on the edge of emotional exhaustion, and on the edge of severe hermitude. I'm sorry to my friends who keep reaching out and getting silence. I hope this will change in the next few days. I plan to catch up on email and phone calls, as long as my nose and throat let me.

So that is the update on my life, the exciting, painful, interesting stuff that has been going on for the last month. I hope to write more frequently than once a month, but right now, I can't make any promises.