making a difference...or is it hopeless?

so there is a major conflict going on between Israel and Lebannon, for those out of the media loop. I realized that no matter how we feel about Israel, knowing that Israel is involved in (or instigating) a war, is newsworthy in the Jewish community.

I heard the news from a friend who called to make sure I knew what was going on (I didn't). I got the call right after picking up a friend who is in Denver for a work event for a few days at her hotel. We hung out with her for several hours, and at several points during the evening, I would unconsciously flash back on "there is bombing happening in Israel and Lebannon, people are dying." And it feels very hopeless to me...is there really anything that I can do?

Maybe it is hanging around so many Buddhists that is rubbing off on me, but I can't ignore the suffering that is happening in this world. On the drive home I was thinking about my current job, and how I have very selfishly put myself in a position where I have very little influence on very few people's lives...I don't do very much to alleviate the suffering in the world. I feel like the things I did the years I was in San Diego (teaching and being a union organizer) had a lot of impact on a lot of people, but I also had very poor boundaries around keeping the work I was doing out of my "non-work" hours. I am an all or nothing person, so the things I'm passionate about I tend to spend all my time doing, and so it was when I was teaching and working for the UAW.

That workaholic life wasn't sustainable. When I moved to Boulder, I knew that I needed to find a job that would fit the kind of life I wanted to lead, find a job where I could have a balance between work and home. I have that now, and have really good boundaries around my work hours, and eventhough I'm in a salaried position, I do keep track of how much I work and when I'm over hours one week, I work fewer hours the next. But I've lost something...my work is not the kind of bodhisattva, high-impact, make a difference in people's lives kind of work. Well, I guess that isn't totally true...when the students are around I do have an impact on them...just not quite the same as what I was doing when I was teaching physics or teaching teachers how to teach physics.

I've got to find a way of eeking out some time to do volunteer work regularly...or do something much more radical. Michael suggested that I could quit my job and do something that would be very high impact, but not necessarily employable. I don't know...I'll sleep on it at very least and see how things feel tomorrow.