I'm home from retreat. I'm back. My body is back, my mind is still in swirly wanderland.
I really like being on retreat. I like meditating, I like ringing the big gong, I like staying up late giggling with my coworkers. I like having meals made for me, and the food was mostly great. A few too many hardboiled eggs for protein, and I'm clearly more addicted to kombucha to keep me ungassy, but well, so it goes.
Meditation retreat is such a precious gift. I can't believe I have a job where I get to go on retreat for a week once a year. A gift! It is so incredible seeing the students at the end of a 3 year graduate training program that is so much more than just training to work with others. Getting to see and hear students speaking their truth in so many ways was amazing, powerful, and inspiring.
There was a lot of pain this week--my knees are unhappy, my back is tight, my heart is aching. And I just want to be held. And right now I am alone. My best girl dol in her amazing thoughtfulness invited my roomie, Mr. Guy, over to play tonight, so they could hang out, and I could have some decompression time. I considered going over there to hang, but I'm not ready for lots of people yet. I'm unpacking, I'm decompressing, I'm reflecting and trying not to process too much.
When I got back to cell phone range, I found many messages from friends--I will call you tomorrow, as I'm not quite ready to make calls.
Sincerely yours,
The Outrageous Buddha Buzzard
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
looking ahead
I'm doing a lot of looking ahead, planning, trying to wrangle some control over my life.
I had a delicious and crazy fun Saturday night with my best girl dol and other friends. I love that girl! I found out she has a dream to go to Paris for her upcoming big birthday in November, and I agreed on the spot to go with her. The last time I was in Paris (OK, the only time I've been to Paris) I was there for 12 hours, and saw all the major everything in a crazy rushed way. The idea of going back to Paris 10 years later...oh la la! And I woke up the morning with a word in my head "morocco". What If after the Paris birthday trip, I went to Morocco?
On the shorter travelbug news, I leave on Saturday for a week. I'll be going for the 4th year in a row to a week-long retreat at Shambhala Mountain Center. I'm feeling pretty neutral about it this year. I'm looking forward to being up at the land and spending time with the students, but it is always a lot of work, and I'm usually left feeling pretty exhausted at the end.
I'm curious to see how the next few weeks will go...I'm pretty booked for the next month with a lot of travel plans. I'm gone to SMC March 22-29, back for a week, then back to SMC for 2 days (April 6-7) to set up a retreat, then back for a week, then off to Texas April 12-14 for the Doug-n-Susie wedding-o-rama, then back for a few days, then a giant cooking fest for Passover on the 19th, then an all day work meeting on the 20th. Then likely going back to SMC that week or that following weekend to visit, then going to SMC one more time to take it all down on May 7. Seriously, my first completely un-scheduled weekend is May 3-4! I think that is good, because the following weekend is graduation! I forget every spring is like this. The difference this year is no baby watch...and that I will really miss :(
I had a delicious and crazy fun Saturday night with my best girl dol and other friends. I love that girl! I found out she has a dream to go to Paris for her upcoming big birthday in November, and I agreed on the spot to go with her. The last time I was in Paris (OK, the only time I've been to Paris) I was there for 12 hours, and saw all the major everything in a crazy rushed way. The idea of going back to Paris 10 years later...oh la la! And I woke up the morning with a word in my head "morocco". What If after the Paris birthday trip, I went to Morocco?
On the shorter travelbug news, I leave on Saturday for a week. I'll be going for the 4th year in a row to a week-long retreat at Shambhala Mountain Center. I'm feeling pretty neutral about it this year. I'm looking forward to being up at the land and spending time with the students, but it is always a lot of work, and I'm usually left feeling pretty exhausted at the end.
I'm curious to see how the next few weeks will go...I'm pretty booked for the next month with a lot of travel plans. I'm gone to SMC March 22-29, back for a week, then back to SMC for 2 days (April 6-7) to set up a retreat, then back for a week, then off to Texas April 12-14 for the Doug-n-Susie wedding-o-rama, then back for a few days, then a giant cooking fest for Passover on the 19th, then an all day work meeting on the 20th. Then likely going back to SMC that week or that following weekend to visit, then going to SMC one more time to take it all down on May 7. Seriously, my first completely un-scheduled weekend is May 3-4! I think that is good, because the following weekend is graduation! I forget every spring is like this. The difference this year is no baby watch...and that I will really miss :(
Friday, March 14, 2008
hard week
This has been a difficult week in lots of dimensions, personally and professionally. I had a hard time adjusting to springing forward an hour with the end (or is it beginning) of daylight savings time. My sleep cycle has been off this week, leaving me really tired. Both work and personal life have been very roller-coastery this week; a lot of ups and downs. I'm left today feeling "what am I doing with my life?!" I want to be of benefit to others, and yet I'm having a hard time seeing how I'm doing that in my job these days. There were some good things in my job this week, including some meetings that I thought would be depressing turning out to be good, but after several unexpected depressing (to me) meetings, I'm left feeling confused. I want to be happy, and I want people in my life to be happy. Yet I find that significant people in my life aren't feeling good, and I'm feeling pretty helpless. I have multiple people in my life that I haven't found time to call back and I'm really sad that I keep doing this.
Blah.
On another note, I've done a great job of spending less than my weekly budget this week, so I'm proud of me for that :) Those extra pennies are being saved up for things I want to do...including travel and therapy! :)
Blah.
On another note, I've done a great job of spending less than my weekly budget this week, so I'm proud of me for that :) Those extra pennies are being saved up for things I want to do...including travel and therapy! :)
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Mistakes
This week was a week of making a lot of mistakes, and hopefully learning from them. Mistakes can come in many different ways, from forgetting to sign a form that will impact someone's pay to hurting a friend to drinking too much juice in too short a period of time. Each mistake has its consequence.
It is said that "time heals all wound". Perhaps this is true. For the mistakes I made this week I hope that not too much time will pass for each of the wounds to heal. For each of the mistakes I made this week, I am able to look back and say "I should have known better; I could have prevented this outcome" and that is true. What is also true is that I have my blind spots, I am human, and I am not perfect. I hope that those people that I impact will forgive me, an I'm working to forgive myself. I also hope that I am able to remember the things I learned this week.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
abundance and claustrophobia
I've been bouncing back and forth lately between abundance and claustrophobia. Having a lot of something can be wonderful, but if it crosses over into too much, I get all claustrophobic and tight. I think this is caused by feeling like I don't have enough time. I have lists of things that I want to do and need to do, and not enough time to do those things.
This weekend I had a list of people I wanted to call (friends and family), and I did talk to my parents, but that was it. No calls to my sibs or grandparents, not to my Paulie, Fern & Jeff, Jess, Brooks & Lisa or Jess or my EmilyG. I had a 15+ hour workday on Sunday...traveled up to Shambhala Mountain Center. It was nice to see students and staff. It was nice to have some space to talk to those people who matter to me, but I didn't get to talk to the people who matter most.
I had a mini-pretravel freakout on Sunday morning...frantically cleaning the kitchen, taking out half-full trash, running to the grocery to buy too many beverages and snacks for the road (a kombucha and a smoothie and a water bottle and two granola bars and wasabi peas?!), stopping at my office to grab office supplies, and all that before 9am on Sunday.
The line between abundance and claustrophobia is one I walk a lot. Having a lot to do, having too much to do and getting stuck because there are too many things and not enough time. Feeling paralyzed when there is too much. I've since gotten unstuck, but that stuck, claustrophobic feeling is so difficult.
This weekend I had a list of people I wanted to call (friends and family), and I did talk to my parents, but that was it. No calls to my sibs or grandparents, not to my Paulie, Fern & Jeff, Jess, Brooks & Lisa or Jess or my EmilyG. I had a 15+ hour workday on Sunday...traveled up to Shambhala Mountain Center. It was nice to see students and staff. It was nice to have some space to talk to those people who matter to me, but I didn't get to talk to the people who matter most.
I had a mini-pretravel freakout on Sunday morning...frantically cleaning the kitchen, taking out half-full trash, running to the grocery to buy too many beverages and snacks for the road (a kombucha and a smoothie and a water bottle and two granola bars and wasabi peas?!), stopping at my office to grab office supplies, and all that before 9am on Sunday.
The line between abundance and claustrophobia is one I walk a lot. Having a lot to do, having too much to do and getting stuck because there are too many things and not enough time. Feeling paralyzed when there is too much. I've since gotten unstuck, but that stuck, claustrophobic feeling is so difficult.
Monday, January 28, 2008
fantastical recipes from outerspace
fantastical recipes from outerspace?! Why, what a faboo idea. What I've been eating lately:
1. cheese sandwiches. How faboo can a cheese sammich be you ask? Uber-faboo, I reply. Jennie's current favorite cheese sandwich recipe FROM OuterSPAAACE (echos)
Take 2 slices good bread. Jennie is currently partial to Safeway O Organic brand seeds and grains bread. Spread one side of bread liberally with Annie's organic horseradish mustard, the other piece of bread is slathered in mayo. On the mustard side put on sliced, fresh mushrooms, thin slices of green onion, thin slices of red bell pepper, and a nice fat layer of Tilamook medium cheddar cheese followed by mayo-side of other piece of bread. Sliced pepperoncinis, radishes, and avocado are also quite faboo on this lovely lunchy sammich.
2. ginger and cardamom tea
in a pot add 2 inches of fresh ginger, peeled, and finely chopped
10 cardamom pods, smooshed
6 tablespoons brown sugar (don't worry, it dissolves, you'll never know how much sugar you are consuming)
4 cups water
bring all to a boil, let simmer 15-20 minutes. watch out, it's gingerific.
3. Stir-fried eggplants with tomato and parmesan cheese from OUTER SPAAAACCCEE
1 eggplant (1pound), cut into 1 inch pieces
1/4 cup olive oil
3 cloves garlic, lightly crushed and peeled, but left whole
1/2 tsp oregano
2 tsp lemon juice
1/8 tsp cayenne pepper
1 good sized tomato, peeled, seeded, and chopped, or about a cup of canned peeled chopped tomato
3 tablespoons parmesan cheese
soak the eggplant pieces in 5 cups of water with a tablespoon of salt dissolved in the water for 40 minutes. It helps to put a plate or bowl on top of the eggplant to keep it submerged. Drain eggplant and pat dry on a clean kitchen towel
Put the oil in a large frying pan or wok on high heat. When hot, put in the garlic and eggplant pieces. Turn the heat down to medium-high. Stir and fry until the eggplant pieces are lightly browned all over, about 5 minutes. Put in 1/2 tsp salt plus the other spices. Stir to mix, then add 1/2 cup water. Cover and turn the heat down to low. Let it cook for about 10 minutes, or until the eggplant is soft.
Uncover, add the tomato and some ground black pepper to taste and turn the heat back up to medium-high. Stir and fry for 1 or 2 minutes. Turn off the heat. Add the parmesan cheese. Toss, check for salt, and serve immediately. I love eating this over couscous. Serves 2 hungry people one meal, or one hungry person 2 meals!
This recipe is from outerspace because eggplant is my arch-nemesis. Over the years I tried to make eggplant dishes and they always turned out weird. I consider myself to be pretty accomplished in the kitchen, so eggplant must be the problem, because certainly it isn't ME! This was the first (and, well, only) successful recipe involving eggplant. I've made it more than once, I like it so much! It must be from outerspace...how else could my archnemesis be foiled?
4. Indian spicy mixed pickle and rice or indian spicy mixed pickle and bread (naan). This was dinner tonight...not that nutritious, I know, but well, sometimes I get in weird OUTERSPACEY food moods, and just want to get a little naan and pickle. so there. harumph.
5. popcorn. It is so good, it must be from outerspace. Not that weird microwaved kind, the kind you pop on your stove in a big pot with a little bit of oil. Add some salt and/or parmesan cheese on top, and hello salty goodness.
Ok, so maybe this isn't a blog about my life, but maybe it is. Maybe the food isn't from outerspace, and then again, maybe it is. I'm having a weird day, a draining bad boundary work day. A 'I can't believe I've been spending so much evening time on work stuff and I have a work meeting tomorrow night, and will be there until 9pm, and I am SO going to take Monday off next week' kind of day. maybe outerspace food is exactly what I need, where's the dehydrated icecream when you get the mood, anyway?
1. cheese sandwiches. How faboo can a cheese sammich be you ask? Uber-faboo, I reply. Jennie's current favorite cheese sandwich recipe FROM OuterSPAAACE (echos)
Take 2 slices good bread. Jennie is currently partial to Safeway O Organic brand seeds and grains bread. Spread one side of bread liberally with Annie's organic horseradish mustard, the other piece of bread is slathered in mayo. On the mustard side put on sliced, fresh mushrooms, thin slices of green onion, thin slices of red bell pepper, and a nice fat layer of Tilamook medium cheddar cheese followed by mayo-side of other piece of bread. Sliced pepperoncinis, radishes, and avocado are also quite faboo on this lovely lunchy sammich.
2. ginger and cardamom tea
in a pot add 2 inches of fresh ginger, peeled, and finely chopped
10 cardamom pods, smooshed
6 tablespoons brown sugar (don't worry, it dissolves, you'll never know how much sugar you are consuming)
4 cups water
bring all to a boil, let simmer 15-20 minutes. watch out, it's gingerific.
3. Stir-fried eggplants with tomato and parmesan cheese from OUTER SPAAAACCCEE
1 eggplant (1pound), cut into 1 inch pieces
1/4 cup olive oil
3 cloves garlic, lightly crushed and peeled, but left whole
1/2 tsp oregano
2 tsp lemon juice
1/8 tsp cayenne pepper
1 good sized tomato, peeled, seeded, and chopped, or about a cup of canned peeled chopped tomato
3 tablespoons parmesan cheese
soak the eggplant pieces in 5 cups of water with a tablespoon of salt dissolved in the water for 40 minutes. It helps to put a plate or bowl on top of the eggplant to keep it submerged. Drain eggplant and pat dry on a clean kitchen towel
Put the oil in a large frying pan or wok on high heat. When hot, put in the garlic and eggplant pieces. Turn the heat down to medium-high. Stir and fry until the eggplant pieces are lightly browned all over, about 5 minutes. Put in 1/2 tsp salt plus the other spices. Stir to mix, then add 1/2 cup water. Cover and turn the heat down to low. Let it cook for about 10 minutes, or until the eggplant is soft.
Uncover, add the tomato and some ground black pepper to taste and turn the heat back up to medium-high. Stir and fry for 1 or 2 minutes. Turn off the heat. Add the parmesan cheese. Toss, check for salt, and serve immediately. I love eating this over couscous. Serves 2 hungry people one meal, or one hungry person 2 meals!
This recipe is from outerspace because eggplant is my arch-nemesis. Over the years I tried to make eggplant dishes and they always turned out weird. I consider myself to be pretty accomplished in the kitchen, so eggplant must be the problem, because certainly it isn't ME! This was the first (and, well, only) successful recipe involving eggplant. I've made it more than once, I like it so much! It must be from outerspace...how else could my archnemesis be foiled?
4. Indian spicy mixed pickle and rice or indian spicy mixed pickle and bread (naan). This was dinner tonight...not that nutritious, I know, but well, sometimes I get in weird OUTERSPACEY food moods, and just want to get a little naan and pickle. so there. harumph.
5. popcorn. It is so good, it must be from outerspace. Not that weird microwaved kind, the kind you pop on your stove in a big pot with a little bit of oil. Add some salt and/or parmesan cheese on top, and hello salty goodness.
Ok, so maybe this isn't a blog about my life, but maybe it is. Maybe the food isn't from outerspace, and then again, maybe it is. I'm having a weird day, a draining bad boundary work day. A 'I can't believe I've been spending so much evening time on work stuff and I have a work meeting tomorrow night, and will be there until 9pm, and I am SO going to take Monday off next week' kind of day. maybe outerspace food is exactly what I need, where's the dehydrated icecream when you get the mood, anyway?
Saturday, November 3, 2007
excel geeks r us
This has been a crazy, emotional, interesting week. I don't want to go on and on about work, but well, there was some stuff going on there this week.
Monday I went up to the Longmont house to sell a piece of farm equipment. It was weird being on my property and not being able to go into the house (it is being rented). The new tenants have dogs and chickens and goats and a horse. It was so weird to see animals running around the yard that aren't mine. More letting go!
For my Tuesday story, I need to give some background. Part of my job is to create and maintain the instructional budget for the department. The instructional budgeting process begins about a year in advance of when it is needed. So I (and all the other people in my position at my university) are in the midst of budget creation for 2008-2009. We had heard from Academic Affairs that there would be a new budget creation process this year and that changes were coming. A few weeks ago, we had a presentation of the proposed new budget process. The meeting was helpful to hear about how the current process has been a beast for the folks in AA and they really need to simplify some stuff to make their work more managable. That seemed very reasonable. However, when it came down to actually looking at the proposed spreadsheet formats, there were a bunch of things that just didn't make sense to me...some things would be simplified for the folks in AA, but a lot more work would be put on the plates of the folks in the departments. I had some ideas about what could make things better, and met with the Dean to talk about what could be done. I found out that I know a lot more about Microsoft Excel that she did, and I ended up creating a bunch of new and exciting formulas and pivot tables and other fancy stuff to automatically grab data and put it in the summary format that AA needs. I got to geek out doing excel stuff for a few hours last week, and on Tuesday, she and I presented the new spreadsheets to the group of people who will actually be using the spreadsheets. I was shocked that people actually "ooh"ed and "aah"ed and applauded. I wasn't expecting that. All they have to do is cut and paste their data into the template and add data to one new column, and the template formulas do the rest. I'm pretty proud of myself, and pretty excited that I was able to create a new system/process that will benefit a bunch of people at my workplace by reducing workload. I got people talking about excel, and people are asking me to do some excel training. It was fun to do the excel geek thing, and fun to demonstrate how it works...a nice reminder that I do enjoy teaching. I hope that I do get an opportunity to teach others skills that will be useful to them. Ah, geekitude.
Wednesday was Halloween...one of my favorite nights of the year. YAY!
Thursday, I said goodbye to one of my staff. I'm really sad to see her go. I learned a lot from working with her. I learned a lot about myself and also about how I want to be. She has some amazing qualities that I would like to work on in myself. Sigh.
After work on Thursday, I drove up to my house in Longmont to talk to my un-responsive tenants. I will be very glad when that house is sold!
Yesterday, I went to say farewell to Pokie, her baby Sophi, and Amcharo. Today I said my last goodbye to them. I met up with the people from Kansas who have purchased them at the ranch where Amcharo was boarded. They had already gotten Pokie and Sophi. The hardest part was seeing Dash trying to follow Amcharo as he was being led away. I was glad to meet the Kansans...they seem like good people. They said that anytime I want an update on them or photos, or want to come visit, just to let them know. I feel better about saying goodbye knowing they are going to go someplace where they will be loved.
Monday I went up to the Longmont house to sell a piece of farm equipment. It was weird being on my property and not being able to go into the house (it is being rented). The new tenants have dogs and chickens and goats and a horse. It was so weird to see animals running around the yard that aren't mine. More letting go!
For my Tuesday story, I need to give some background. Part of my job is to create and maintain the instructional budget for the department. The instructional budgeting process begins about a year in advance of when it is needed. So I (and all the other people in my position at my university) are in the midst of budget creation for 2008-2009. We had heard from Academic Affairs that there would be a new budget creation process this year and that changes were coming. A few weeks ago, we had a presentation of the proposed new budget process. The meeting was helpful to hear about how the current process has been a beast for the folks in AA and they really need to simplify some stuff to make their work more managable. That seemed very reasonable. However, when it came down to actually looking at the proposed spreadsheet formats, there were a bunch of things that just didn't make sense to me...some things would be simplified for the folks in AA, but a lot more work would be put on the plates of the folks in the departments. I had some ideas about what could make things better, and met with the Dean to talk about what could be done. I found out that I know a lot more about Microsoft Excel that she did, and I ended up creating a bunch of new and exciting formulas and pivot tables and other fancy stuff to automatically grab data and put it in the summary format that AA needs. I got to geek out doing excel stuff for a few hours last week, and on Tuesday, she and I presented the new spreadsheets to the group of people who will actually be using the spreadsheets. I was shocked that people actually "ooh"ed and "aah"ed and applauded. I wasn't expecting that. All they have to do is cut and paste their data into the template and add data to one new column, and the template formulas do the rest. I'm pretty proud of myself, and pretty excited that I was able to create a new system/process that will benefit a bunch of people at my workplace by reducing workload. I got people talking about excel, and people are asking me to do some excel training. It was fun to do the excel geek thing, and fun to demonstrate how it works...a nice reminder that I do enjoy teaching. I hope that I do get an opportunity to teach others skills that will be useful to them. Ah, geekitude.
Wednesday was Halloween...one of my favorite nights of the year. YAY!
Thursday, I said goodbye to one of my staff. I'm really sad to see her go. I learned a lot from working with her. I learned a lot about myself and also about how I want to be. She has some amazing qualities that I would like to work on in myself. Sigh.
After work on Thursday, I drove up to my house in Longmont to talk to my un-responsive tenants. I will be very glad when that house is sold!
Yesterday, I went to say farewell to Pokie, her baby Sophi, and Amcharo. Today I said my last goodbye to them. I met up with the people from Kansas who have purchased them at the ranch where Amcharo was boarded. They had already gotten Pokie and Sophi. The hardest part was seeing Dash trying to follow Amcharo as he was being led away. I was glad to meet the Kansans...they seem like good people. They said that anytime I want an update on them or photos, or want to come visit, just to let them know. I feel better about saying goodbye knowing they are going to go someplace where they will be loved.
Friday, October 26, 2007
update on my life
So it has been over a month since I've blogged and so much has gone on. I don't have email access outside of work, so my emailing and blogging have become incredibly irregular.
My divorce papers were filed with the Boulder County courts last Friday. The divorce will be finalized in mid-January, 2008. Michael and I had a really sweet evening together last Friday and then said good bye. He left on Saturday for parts unknown, with his truck and a few possessions that he has chosen to keep. Saying goodbye on Friday night was hard. It was sad. I've been crying a lot lately. I'm sad to say goodbye to someone who has been my friend and my partner for over a decade. And as sad as I am, I know it is the right thing for me. I know it is time for me to continue on my journey without him.
Mixed up in all this, I've started exploring a new relationship. Yes, I know, "what?!" Starting something new as my marriage ends wasn't what I had in mind when I left. And yet, my heart is called.
Things at work have been totally crazy. One of my staff is leaving next week, and we haven't even posted the ad for her job yet due to some complex bureaucratic stuff. So as she's been phasing out, I've been picking up duties that normally wouldn't be part of my daily work.
The house got rented last week, and we've sold several alpacas in the last month. Trying to sell the herd has been another source of work and emotion There has been a lot of phone calls, emails, and paperwork along with lots of crying as my babies are getting sold. Pocahontes was sold to some people in Kansas, but is still here because she was so close to her due date. Pokie delivered a healthy baby girl 2 weeks ago which was great, but she's not my girl and never will be. I've been up to the place where she's boarded twice to see the baby. Amcharo will be going to Kansas, too. Maya is going to be moving to south Denver. We've still got some left, but my kids are now spread out at 5 different ranches.
I've been sick twice in the last month, once out for a week with stomach flu and now I've got some yucky sniffles. I never get sick, so to get hit like this twice in a month is a clear signal that I need to slow down. Last weekend I slept most of the day Saturday and has a pretty mellow Sunday reading and watching the snow (yes, the first snow was Oct. 21!) It was really my first down time in over a month (see last blog). I just bought some yarn to start a new project this weekend, and I hope to have time to hang out with friends.
I seem to be at the edge of a lot lately...on the edge of physical exhaustion, on the edge of emotional exhaustion, and on the edge of severe hermitude. I'm sorry to my friends who keep reaching out and getting silence. I hope this will change in the next few days. I plan to catch up on email and phone calls, as long as my nose and throat let me.
So that is the update on my life, the exciting, painful, interesting stuff that has been going on for the last month. I hope to write more frequently than once a month, but right now, I can't make any promises.
My divorce papers were filed with the Boulder County courts last Friday. The divorce will be finalized in mid-January, 2008. Michael and I had a really sweet evening together last Friday and then said good bye. He left on Saturday for parts unknown, with his truck and a few possessions that he has chosen to keep. Saying goodbye on Friday night was hard. It was sad. I've been crying a lot lately. I'm sad to say goodbye to someone who has been my friend and my partner for over a decade. And as sad as I am, I know it is the right thing for me. I know it is time for me to continue on my journey without him.
Mixed up in all this, I've started exploring a new relationship. Yes, I know, "what?!" Starting something new as my marriage ends wasn't what I had in mind when I left. And yet, my heart is called.
Things at work have been totally crazy. One of my staff is leaving next week, and we haven't even posted the ad for her job yet due to some complex bureaucratic stuff. So as she's been phasing out, I've been picking up duties that normally wouldn't be part of my daily work.
The house got rented last week, and we've sold several alpacas in the last month. Trying to sell the herd has been another source of work and emotion There has been a lot of phone calls, emails, and paperwork along with lots of crying as my babies are getting sold. Pocahontes was sold to some people in Kansas, but is still here because she was so close to her due date. Pokie delivered a healthy baby girl 2 weeks ago which was great, but she's not my girl and never will be. I've been up to the place where she's boarded twice to see the baby. Amcharo will be going to Kansas, too. Maya is going to be moving to south Denver. We've still got some left, but my kids are now spread out at 5 different ranches.
I've been sick twice in the last month, once out for a week with stomach flu and now I've got some yucky sniffles. I never get sick, so to get hit like this twice in a month is a clear signal that I need to slow down. Last weekend I slept most of the day Saturday and has a pretty mellow Sunday reading and watching the snow (yes, the first snow was Oct. 21!) It was really my first down time in over a month (see last blog). I just bought some yarn to start a new project this weekend, and I hope to have time to hang out with friends.
I seem to be at the edge of a lot lately...on the edge of physical exhaustion, on the edge of emotional exhaustion, and on the edge of severe hermitude. I'm sorry to my friends who keep reaching out and getting silence. I hope this will change in the next few days. I plan to catch up on email and phone calls, as long as my nose and throat let me.
So that is the update on my life, the exciting, painful, interesting stuff that has been going on for the last month. I hope to write more frequently than once a month, but right now, I can't make any promises.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
busy busy two weeks
The last 2 weeks have been busy busy busy. We had orientation week Aug 20-24, then I was at Shambhala Mountain Center for our orientation weekend Aug 24-26, then I came back on the 26th and helped out on the farm because Michael was irrigating. Then the First week of School happened.
This first week was SO busy! I think part of it was not having any workstudy help, part of it was having one of my staff out on the east coast for a family emergency, and part of it was just the crazy busy wonderfulness of the first week.
I am so happy to have everyone back! I love the crazy start of the school year, the running around, the reliability of the breakdown of the photocopier, the energy of everyone coming back refreshed and re-inspired. I'm hoping to sleep a lot this weekend...it hasn't happened yet, but I'm hoping it will :)
I was able to only work a half-day on friday and then spend part of the afternoon cleaning my friend Kash's apartment. For those of you who know and love him, and those of you who don't, please keep him and his family in your thoughts. John and I have Kash's companion, Mystic Magic Ninja Kitty Princess at our place for a while. She's so wonderful and cuddly!
I haven't written in 2 weeks, and I'm feeling like I'm just dumping, but there will be more, better stories soon.
Other news...I had a little accident with my phone, and now my phone is dead, dead, dead. I'm using a temporary phone while waiting for a new one to arrive in the mail in the next week.
Along with my phone being dead, all the numbers that were stored in my phone are gone. really really gone.
So I need your number! call me, email me, text me...I have a few numbers in my head, but for many of my friends...I don't know how to reach you!
This first week was SO busy! I think part of it was not having any workstudy help, part of it was having one of my staff out on the east coast for a family emergency, and part of it was just the crazy busy wonderfulness of the first week.
I am so happy to have everyone back! I love the crazy start of the school year, the running around, the reliability of the breakdown of the photocopier, the energy of everyone coming back refreshed and re-inspired. I'm hoping to sleep a lot this weekend...it hasn't happened yet, but I'm hoping it will :)
I was able to only work a half-day on friday and then spend part of the afternoon cleaning my friend Kash's apartment. For those of you who know and love him, and those of you who don't, please keep him and his family in your thoughts. John and I have Kash's companion, Mystic Magic Ninja Kitty Princess at our place for a while. She's so wonderful and cuddly!
I haven't written in 2 weeks, and I'm feeling like I'm just dumping, but there will be more, better stories soon.
Other news...I had a little accident with my phone, and now my phone is dead, dead, dead. I'm using a temporary phone while waiting for a new one to arrive in the mail in the next week.
Along with my phone being dead, all the numbers that were stored in my phone are gone. really really gone.
So I need your number! call me, email me, text me...I have a few numbers in my head, but for many of my friends...I don't know how to reach you!
Sunday, August 19, 2007
almost there...
My friend Bryan came in from Alabama to visit and I took off part of Weds-Fri this week to be with him. It was wonderful to see him and spend time with him. I was sad to see him leave today.
However, Monday is the start of Orientation Week, so I have/had lots to do, and today was the day to do it. I am so So SO excited to meet the new students! I'm such a junkie.
Since I missed out on a bunch of work this week, I came in today. so I'm getting ready to leave work, and since my wireless has been spotty I'm writing from my office. Yes, it is 8:20 on a Sunday night. I've been here since 2pm.
The last thing I did before ending my "work" for the day was to clean up my office. I found a folder marked "to be filed" and looked through it. In there I found a sign up sheet "1st Year Student Check In with Jennie and John" with the names of the group that graduated in May. I started crying. I'm getting misty all over again. I can't believe 3 years has gone by so fast. I can't believe this is my 4th fall in my job. So much has changed and so much has stayed the same. It is time to go home and eat dinner and make a candle from the pieces of wax filled with the intentions of the Class of 2007. It is time to let them go and let myself open to a new year.
However, Monday is the start of Orientation Week, so I have/had lots to do, and today was the day to do it. I am so So SO excited to meet the new students! I'm such a junkie.
Since I missed out on a bunch of work this week, I came in today. so I'm getting ready to leave work, and since my wireless has been spotty I'm writing from my office. Yes, it is 8:20 on a Sunday night. I've been here since 2pm.
The last thing I did before ending my "work" for the day was to clean up my office. I found a folder marked "to be filed" and looked through it. In there I found a sign up sheet "1st Year Student Check In with Jennie and John" with the names of the group that graduated in May. I started crying. I'm getting misty all over again. I can't believe 3 years has gone by so fast. I can't believe this is my 4th fall in my job. So much has changed and so much has stayed the same. It is time to go home and eat dinner and make a candle from the pieces of wax filled with the intentions of the Class of 2007. It is time to let them go and let myself open to a new year.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
head vs. heart
Oh, the glorious battle continues! Why is it that there has to be a battle of head vs. heart? They often want the same thing, right? I suppose the problem is when things get so out of balance.
Example #1, tonight I was being interviewed to become a member of the board of directors for a small independent high school in town. One of the questions was, "how and why did you change from teaching physics to working at Naropa?" I gave the logistical answer...I moved from california to boulder and found Naropa's website. But then I gave the answer that holds the core truth: I loved science, but I hated the culture of working in science. When I was in that world, I was all in my head. At my job at Naropa, I've found a balance between head and heart.
Example # 2: Today, I had an all-day retreat for a committee of all the people in the university who have the same job I do (administrative head for academic department). We had an in-service "training" for most of the retreat, and the main topic was contemplative administration. When the facilitator asked the group to talk about what their inspiration is for working at Naropa, I spoke about being able to bring all of myself to my work...that I need to be fully integrated in every part of my life, and working at Naropa allows me to be a real human being with emotions and thoughts, talents and weaknesses. I left science because I couldn't keep living only in my head. I couldn't keep living a disassociated existence. I couldn't keep trying to assimilate in a world that doesn't value heart or emotion or weakness.
I'm on a path of working every day to keep head and heart in balance. My mind races, and it jumps ahead to look at many different options, many possible parallel universes all created by making different choices. I notice my thoughts and impulses, consider how I feel about the thoughts and impulses, and make choices about whether or not to act on those thoughts and impulses. Sometimes I make good choices, sometimes not. The noticing is important. The space to consider and to feel how I really feel before I act is important.
Example #1, tonight I was being interviewed to become a member of the board of directors for a small independent high school in town. One of the questions was, "how and why did you change from teaching physics to working at Naropa?" I gave the logistical answer...I moved from california to boulder and found Naropa's website. But then I gave the answer that holds the core truth: I loved science, but I hated the culture of working in science. When I was in that world, I was all in my head. At my job at Naropa, I've found a balance between head and heart.
Example # 2: Today, I had an all-day retreat for a committee of all the people in the university who have the same job I do (administrative head for academic department). We had an in-service "training" for most of the retreat, and the main topic was contemplative administration. When the facilitator asked the group to talk about what their inspiration is for working at Naropa, I spoke about being able to bring all of myself to my work...that I need to be fully integrated in every part of my life, and working at Naropa allows me to be a real human being with emotions and thoughts, talents and weaknesses. I left science because I couldn't keep living only in my head. I couldn't keep living a disassociated existence. I couldn't keep trying to assimilate in a world that doesn't value heart or emotion or weakness.
I'm on a path of working every day to keep head and heart in balance. My mind races, and it jumps ahead to look at many different options, many possible parallel universes all created by making different choices. I notice my thoughts and impulses, consider how I feel about the thoughts and impulses, and make choices about whether or not to act on those thoughts and impulses. Sometimes I make good choices, sometimes not. The noticing is important. The space to consider and to feel how I really feel before I act is important.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
back in boulder
I was up at SMC yesterday and today. It was wonderful to be up there, to be on the land, to be able to hike up to the stupa, to to talk to the students and the faculty, to see a student presentation, to ring the big gong (one of my favorite things) and to get to sit and look at my own mind.
I had a great conversation with one of the faculty who is around my age, and she's going through something similar to me. We talked about boundaries and projections and relationships. We spoke of how complicated and amazing and painful life and loving is. How sometimes we want to go back to sleep...to ignore the thruths we've discovered within ourselves. Waking up and moving toward a more authentic life is difficult, and I hope that awakening will eventually lead to less suffering.
It is hard to love yourself when you know that you're causing so much pain to the ones you love the most.
I had a great conversation with one of the faculty who is around my age, and she's going through something similar to me. We talked about boundaries and projections and relationships. We spoke of how complicated and amazing and painful life and loving is. How sometimes we want to go back to sleep...to ignore the thruths we've discovered within ourselves. Waking up and moving toward a more authentic life is difficult, and I hope that awakening will eventually lead to less suffering.
It is hard to love yourself when you know that you're causing so much pain to the ones you love the most.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
some days the universe gives you what you need
wow, I've been in a funk this week. I'm starting to feel the funk lifting a little, even if for a moment or two.
Today started out with a fun farm mini-drama. I went out to feed this morning and discovered the boys in the girls' corral and the girls in the roundabout area near the hay barn. Yesterday when I was hauling hay from the haybarn I must not have latched the gate closed and only loosely put the chain around the gate because the gate was wide open this morning!
those critters are so smart. As soon as they saw me, they knew they were in trouble! The boys started heading for the gate back toward their area and the girls were doing the same. Once I got everyone securely back where they belonged, I pulled out hay to feed. As I was bringing in the hay to the boys, little Amcharo decided to be mischevious and slip past me through the open gate into the backyard! When I was chasing him back in, Teddy the llama went out through the open gate! After a little chase, I got Teddy in the boys corral. Some days I do more llama wrangling before 6:30am than most people do in their whole lives
Then I got to work expecting a busy day since we had 12 visitors coming for interviews. As I was getting ready to send off half of them to interviews and the other half to a class observation, I learned that there were going to be student presentations in the class today and we couldn't send the visitors to the class. My whole day changed and I spent most of the morning doing Q & A with the prospys. I usually love doing this part, but (as you may have noticed) I'm a little out of sorts this week and instead of feeding off the energy of the visitors, I felt pretty flat. I got a little recharge in the afternoon with a hug from a 1st year student (he asked how I was and I told him honestly that I wasn't having a good day), my 12-1pm meeting was good, and I even squeezed in 10 minutes of self care by going to sit in the meditation hall!
In the afternoon I got to see a few 3rd years and that got my energy back up. Yay 3rd yr for bringing smiles to my heart!
And afterwork I got to see my JohnGuy! It was SOOO good catching up with jg and having a sympathetic ear for my heartache and being a sympathetic ear for his life updates. And he's just so fun to be with. Ya'll who know him love him too!
I'm just feeling so grateful for my life right now. even the hard days bring me good lessons. I feel so lucky to have found the courage to try to live a more authentic life and have a job where I can be real with the people around me, where I can use my head and my heart. As crazy as it may sound, I feel grateful for the opportunity to get my heart opened up so much at work that I even get my heart broken sometimes. Love (and life) is weird, eh? Sometimes the universe gives you what you need.
p.s. had weird dream last night where Paul and Tanya & Michael and I were all in a big bed chatting like the grandparents in the movie "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory". having dinner with Paul and Tanya tomorrow. 3rd years wove in and out of the dreams too.
had dreams about Nemo, my recently departed cat the last 2 nights. Was good to see him again and hear him purring as he curled up with me like he used to when he was alive. crud. crying again now thinking of my Nemo, but again I think this is what I need. I needed to talk to Nemo, and really tell him how much I cared for him and how I miss him. so thank you to the universe for sending me nemo while I sleep.
tenderheartedly yours,
j
Today started out with a fun farm mini-drama. I went out to feed this morning and discovered the boys in the girls' corral and the girls in the roundabout area near the hay barn. Yesterday when I was hauling hay from the haybarn I must not have latched the gate closed and only loosely put the chain around the gate because the gate was wide open this morning!
those critters are so smart. As soon as they saw me, they knew they were in trouble! The boys started heading for the gate back toward their area and the girls were doing the same. Once I got everyone securely back where they belonged, I pulled out hay to feed. As I was bringing in the hay to the boys, little Amcharo decided to be mischevious and slip past me through the open gate into the backyard! When I was chasing him back in, Teddy the llama went out through the open gate! After a little chase, I got Teddy in the boys corral. Some days I do more llama wrangling before 6:30am than most people do in their whole lives
Then I got to work expecting a busy day since we had 12 visitors coming for interviews. As I was getting ready to send off half of them to interviews and the other half to a class observation, I learned that there were going to be student presentations in the class today and we couldn't send the visitors to the class. My whole day changed and I spent most of the morning doing Q & A with the prospys. I usually love doing this part, but (as you may have noticed) I'm a little out of sorts this week and instead of feeding off the energy of the visitors, I felt pretty flat. I got a little recharge in the afternoon with a hug from a 1st year student (he asked how I was and I told him honestly that I wasn't having a good day), my 12-1pm meeting was good, and I even squeezed in 10 minutes of self care by going to sit in the meditation hall!
In the afternoon I got to see a few 3rd years and that got my energy back up. Yay 3rd yr for bringing smiles to my heart!
And afterwork I got to see my JohnGuy! It was SOOO good catching up with jg and having a sympathetic ear for my heartache and being a sympathetic ear for his life updates. And he's just so fun to be with. Ya'll who know him love him too!
I'm just feeling so grateful for my life right now. even the hard days bring me good lessons. I feel so lucky to have found the courage to try to live a more authentic life and have a job where I can be real with the people around me, where I can use my head and my heart. As crazy as it may sound, I feel grateful for the opportunity to get my heart opened up so much at work that I even get my heart broken sometimes. Love (and life) is weird, eh? Sometimes the universe gives you what you need.
p.s. had weird dream last night where Paul and Tanya & Michael and I were all in a big bed chatting like the grandparents in the movie "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory". having dinner with Paul and Tanya tomorrow. 3rd years wove in and out of the dreams too.
had dreams about Nemo, my recently departed cat the last 2 nights. Was good to see him again and hear him purring as he curled up with me like he used to when he was alive. crud. crying again now thinking of my Nemo, but again I think this is what I need. I needed to talk to Nemo, and really tell him how much I cared for him and how I miss him. so thank you to the universe for sending me nemo while I sleep.
tenderheartedly yours,
j
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
sometimes you need to smell like a man
Do you ever have those days where you know you're in for a rough one so you do everything you can to build yourself up? You wear the clothes that you know work for you, the boots that don't quit, you play the right kind of music in the car ride to work and at your desk (quietly playing Billy Idol can't hurt, right?) You get the juice blast for breakfast and avoid the caffeine all day. You even use your guy's deodorant because, as I said a little too loudly to my best girl in the hallway at work "sometimes you need to smell like a man".
And all these things that you're doing are all external. They don't change the way you really feel, they don't remove the jitterybug in your belly. The old masks don't work. The old ways of building walls seem ridiculous.
I'm tender and brokenhearted. The 3rd years are only a month away from graduation, and that class is dying. The ending is so much harder for me this year than any other. I can't believe how much I procrastinated getting their syllabi farewell packets together. Writing the letter "To the class of 2007" makes me ache. This ending, I know, is inevitable.
Layers of heartache and longing. Seeing students sitting in the suite and wanting to reach out and not knowing if I should. Can I keep it together for one month more? Sitting at my desk can be excruciating. Sitting out there with them is too. Lean into it and be brave? hide in my office and be cowardly? Being awkward and embarrassed for feeling like this. Love takes a warrior.
Wow. This post is not at all what I had planned. I've gone all goofy and swoony and done pretty much the opposite of what I had planned with all my armor. crud.
What I really planned on writing about was my Saturday. I had such a lovely saturday with my EmilyG. EmilyG is my...well, I don't quite know what to call her. She's like the piece of me that got replicated in the bardo and got born a few years later to some other parents in the midwest. The number of things about us that are the same are uncanny. She's a freak like me for pumpkins and has the same ideas about gardening and sustainable living and chickens and hapa peartinis and midwest life and city girl/country girl struggles and Ani(!) and well, I could go on and on.
So EmilyG and I got together for the first time since my birthday in July! We had lovely brunch at a place in Denver. I forgot how much I love being in the city. Our little urban cafe was quirky and fun and the food was great and the wait staff were all a bunch of queens (literally drag queens). So we had our lovely time dining and being envious of the fact that some men look better in womens clothes than most women (Oh to be that tall with those tiny hips...).
And we caught up each other on our lives and then went to the Denver Art Museum! Hooray for art museums. I love Boulder, but Boulder doesn't have the kind of deep and varied culture opportunities that I've been craving. We spent hours and hours at the art museum and she is even the kind of person (like me) that really looks at the pieces and reads the little notes about when things were made and who made them and where they came from. We spent a lovely time looking at modern art, modern native american pottery, and the place we spent the most time: the floor with the asian art. There was a whole section on Buddhist art, scupltures, and even a sand mandala. There was a lovely section on swords that got me thinking of a friend that is into swords. There was a museum staffer by the swords showing kids (and adults) how to handle the swords properly, bowing and turning the blade toward yourself. It got me misty for sure.
We saw only a small section of the museum, and I'm certainly going back! Wow, I'm tangenting again. perhaps this story is long enough. Time to crash out and read and knit! Whee!
And all these things that you're doing are all external. They don't change the way you really feel, they don't remove the jitterybug in your belly. The old masks don't work. The old ways of building walls seem ridiculous.
I'm tender and brokenhearted. The 3rd years are only a month away from graduation, and that class is dying. The ending is so much harder for me this year than any other. I can't believe how much I procrastinated getting their syllabi farewell packets together. Writing the letter "To the class of 2007" makes me ache. This ending, I know, is inevitable.
Layers of heartache and longing. Seeing students sitting in the suite and wanting to reach out and not knowing if I should. Can I keep it together for one month more? Sitting at my desk can be excruciating. Sitting out there with them is too. Lean into it and be brave? hide in my office and be cowardly? Being awkward and embarrassed for feeling like this. Love takes a warrior.
Wow. This post is not at all what I had planned. I've gone all goofy and swoony and done pretty much the opposite of what I had planned with all my armor. crud.
What I really planned on writing about was my Saturday. I had such a lovely saturday with my EmilyG. EmilyG is my...well, I don't quite know what to call her. She's like the piece of me that got replicated in the bardo and got born a few years later to some other parents in the midwest. The number of things about us that are the same are uncanny. She's a freak like me for pumpkins and has the same ideas about gardening and sustainable living and chickens and hapa peartinis and midwest life and city girl/country girl struggles and Ani(!) and well, I could go on and on.
So EmilyG and I got together for the first time since my birthday in July! We had lovely brunch at a place in Denver. I forgot how much I love being in the city. Our little urban cafe was quirky and fun and the food was great and the wait staff were all a bunch of queens (literally drag queens). So we had our lovely time dining and being envious of the fact that some men look better in womens clothes than most women (Oh to be that tall with those tiny hips...).
And we caught up each other on our lives and then went to the Denver Art Museum! Hooray for art museums. I love Boulder, but Boulder doesn't have the kind of deep and varied culture opportunities that I've been craving. We spent hours and hours at the art museum and she is even the kind of person (like me) that really looks at the pieces and reads the little notes about when things were made and who made them and where they came from. We spent a lovely time looking at modern art, modern native american pottery, and the place we spent the most time: the floor with the asian art. There was a whole section on Buddhist art, scupltures, and even a sand mandala. There was a lovely section on swords that got me thinking of a friend that is into swords. There was a museum staffer by the swords showing kids (and adults) how to handle the swords properly, bowing and turning the blade toward yourself. It got me misty for sure.
We saw only a small section of the museum, and I'm certainly going back! Wow, I'm tangenting again. perhaps this story is long enough. Time to crash out and read and knit! Whee!
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
$#%&!@%$#&%#@
so i'm in freakout swearing at self mode at the moment. Today I was back up at SMC setting up the next retreat and spent a good chunk of time talking to the staff about expectations. I have a whole speech about what is and is not appropriate behavior with students (sex with students bad, boundaries with students good) and realized that somewhere along the way last week my boundaries started to disintegrate with the soon-to-be graduating students.
When the hell did that happen?! When did i become creepy bad boundary lady? f'ing red room. OK, OK don't freak out. There was NO sex with students. There wasn't even anything remotely close to sex with students. But was I creepy bad boundary lady when a student said flirtatious thing and I blushed? What about when other student gave me a gazillion hugs (ok maybe 2) as he was waiting for the rest of his carpool peeps to get their stuff. or what about when I said "I love you" to student bringing warm chocolate chip cookies to me straight from the oven?! Well, I meant that I was happy about the cookies, right?! crap.
And then there was the one thing that I knew was over the line as soon as it happened and said so and then dismissed it. student picking me up to give me a hug. shit.
even the fact that I shared personal stories with some students is a problem, isn't it?! I mean I wrote (or at least recently edited and approved) the line in the manual that says dual relationships include sharing info with some and not all.... "...staff should take care not to enter into a relationship with a student in which the student is privileged to information about a staff member that is not available to all students....staff should be particularly mindful about speech." fuck.
When the hell did that happen?! When did i become creepy bad boundary lady? f'ing red room. OK, OK don't freak out. There was NO sex with students. There wasn't even anything remotely close to sex with students. But was I creepy bad boundary lady when a student said flirtatious thing and I blushed? What about when other student gave me a gazillion hugs (ok maybe 2) as he was waiting for the rest of his carpool peeps to get their stuff. or what about when I said "I love you" to student bringing warm chocolate chip cookies to me straight from the oven?! Well, I meant that I was happy about the cookies, right?! crap.
And then there was the one thing that I knew was over the line as soon as it happened and said so and then dismissed it. student picking me up to give me a hug. shit.
even the fact that I shared personal stories with some students is a problem, isn't it?! I mean I wrote (or at least recently edited and approved) the line in the manual that says dual relationships include sharing info with some and not all.... "...staff should take care not to enter into a relationship with a student in which the student is privileged to information about a staff member that is not available to all students....staff should be particularly mindful about speech." fuck.
Monday, April 2, 2007
home from retreat
I'm back from a week-long meditation retreat and my heart is open and achy and tender.
I got home a little before 5pm on Saturday and slept 15 hours. I spent most of yesterday in bed and took today off to mope and to recover from this cold/cough that started yesterday.
While I was on retreat Nemo my cat died. This weekend one of my chickens, Big Mama died. I suppose the message from the universe is "LET GO!" or perhaps "Remember Impermanence!"
I'm so attached to this graduating group, and I know I need to let them go. They are so amazing and brave and strong and talented and smart and loving and wow, I guess I could go on and on. This group has been my "baby"...I started a few months before they began their journey, even interviewed some of them. I sat in on classes with this group, learned to meditate with this group, mourned my first pets, Chicken and Duck, with this group, watched them develop as a community and as therapists.
I am so proud of them all. And it is so hard to let them go.
Tomorrow I head back up to SMC to set up the next month-long retreat.
I got home a little before 5pm on Saturday and slept 15 hours. I spent most of yesterday in bed and took today off to mope and to recover from this cold/cough that started yesterday.
While I was on retreat Nemo my cat died. This weekend one of my chickens, Big Mama died. I suppose the message from the universe is "LET GO!" or perhaps "Remember Impermanence!"
I'm so attached to this graduating group, and I know I need to let them go. They are so amazing and brave and strong and talented and smart and loving and wow, I guess I could go on and on. This group has been my "baby"...I started a few months before they began their journey, even interviewed some of them. I sat in on classes with this group, learned to meditate with this group, mourned my first pets, Chicken and Duck, with this group, watched them develop as a community and as therapists.
I am so proud of them all. And it is so hard to let them go.
Tomorrow I head back up to SMC to set up the next month-long retreat.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
hooray for Ani
For those who haven't figured it out, I'm a huge Ani DiFranco fan. Well, I'm such an Ani nerd that on Oct 3 when I was home waiting for the vet for the new cria exam, I saw that the intern that runs her myspace site announced a contest requesting artwork. I freaked out and made a little photo collage and sent it off. I'm no artist, so I figured I wouldn't win, but thought I might be one of the first people to respond since I was actually home in the middle of the day.
I got an email today that I was one of the first 20 respondents, and I've won a free CD with Righteous Babe Artists...pretty cool, eh? Sometimes it pays to be a nerd. I guess it will give me something to switch out with my Reprieve CD in the car.
In other news, I have been so lucky this week. I am sitting in on a class at the university I work at, and the students all do 45 minute presentations on the major transitions in their lives. I got to witness the first two on Tuesday, and I'm so completely blown away by the beautiful, amazing people that I get to watch through their graduate school journey. I am really looking forward to the next few weeks when I'll get to see more of these presentations, and eventually present my own story. I'm sad that I will only be able to witness 6 of 18...and I once again get frustrated that I have to keep good boundaries with these people...the bulk of them are in my peer age group, but because I'm in a power/authority position and they are just in their first semester (of a 3-year program) I can't get too close.
sigh. time to change the laundry and get to sleep. 5 eggs today.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
the students are back, the students are back!
Today was the 2nd day of school, but the first day back for all my students (all 70 students had 2 courses today), and the first day for many of the instructors.
Only a few minor glitches, but I was so happy to have my returning students back and the new students really here.
I'm just so goo goo over all of them. Perhaps it is not appropriate to be so happy, but the students are really the best part of my job. I do need to be careful, because I've noticed that being on retreat with the 1st year students makes me a little more open with them than I normally would be with an entering class. I find that usually I start out warm, but tight with the 1st years and slowly open up and loosen boundaries as they progress through the program. We'll see how it goes. Tomorrow is a long, long day for me...we have our Internship Kickoff meeting with the 3rd year students tomorrow, and so I'll be at work until at least 9pm.
And my paulie is out of town for a week...I'm not sure what I'll do! I also realized today that I really need to go out dancing...
meandering happiness.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Back from Retreat
I got back from our 3-day Opening Retreat today around 2pm. What an amazing weekend, and an amazing group of students we have coming in. I went into the weekend with an attitude of trying to not get attached, but it totally backfired, and I'm already in love with this new class...I already can't wait for them to hurry up and graduate so I can hang out with them. This is really one of the biggest challenges of my job...I meet the most wonderful, amazing people, and I can't really get too close to them until they graduate, and then they usually move away. Ah, professional boundaries.
And the first day of school is tomorrow. There are very few Monday classes, so it should be a relatively light day, though I'll be spending a bunch of time getting syllabi and sourcebooks together. Tuesday is going to be the big one...all three cohorts have multiple classes on Tuesday. I'm really, really excited for the start of school even when it means that I'm busier than a one legged man in an ass kickin' contest.(thanks to BJS for that one!)
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
happiness is...
Happiness is...waiting up until midnight for your alpacas to come home.
We'd send one of our female alpacas (and her baby) to California to meet up with an old boyfriend and get pregnant. It seems crazy to send them from Colorado to California, but the last time she had a baby with this stud, the baby won all kinds of championships at shows...and we're hoping for a repeat! We also got a really good price on the breeding fee, and the cost of round trip transport plus the breeding fee was less than we paid to breed her to a similar quality local boy last year.
And right before midnight, the trailer pulled up, and I got to welcome home Maya and Brinca!
The next few days are going to be pretty intense for me, so I'm not sure if I'll have a chance to blog again until next week. Tonight is the annual department party (for which I manage a very small crew for all the set-up before and clean-up afterwards), so I'll be "working" until nearly 10pm tonight. Tomorrow is our big faculty meeting from 10am-1pm followed by an "inner circle" faculty meeting from 1-3pm. So I'm hoping to be done with work by 4 tomorrow. Friday morning I leave at 8:30 and drive to Shambhala Mountain Center and I'll be up there all weekend for our "Opening Retreat". And school starts next week! :) It is busy and crazy, but I love it.
Yesterday, when I got to work, I actually had to SEARCH for a parking space. And I thought "Happiness is....a full parking lot"
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