most optimum, inside and out

Today we took Courtney to the airport, and she is currently in-flight back to California. And yes, I cried when we dropped her off. I haven't seen her in two and a half years, and I don't know when I'll see her next.

And then my Dad asked us to review a flyer that he put together with some business collaborators, and my brother and I both gasped in horror at the phrase "most optimum". My brother put it best "it makes me cry inside" to see such writing. We proposed using the word "best" as a replacement for "most optimum". Ok, I'm persnickety, and it seems my brother is too. I've written before about my friend the persnickety lady, and on days like today, I think of her ranting about the differences between then and than, formerly and formally, etc. I think bonding with my brother over complaints of bad grammar has helped me get over the pain of seeing my other sib off again.

Well, lots of crying today inside and out

I am the future

There were some very bad storms in St. Louis right before I came out. As of today, approximately 200,000 people are still without power in the St. Louis region. My 93 year old grandma (who lives alone in the house that she's lived in for 52 years) has been staying at my parent's house since last Wednesday when the storms hit because a tree took down the powerlines to her house and ripped out the meter attached to the house.

Having my grandma at the house has changed everyone's routine and I think it has been a bumpy adjustment for everyone, including her. My grandma's health is failing: she is nearly blind, she has difficulty walking, she has back pain, and it seems her hearing is starting to go too. Despite all of this, her mind is still sharp...she remembers an incredible amount of detail. She knows that the younger generations (my parents and sibs and even me) get frustrated with her physical limitations and the fact that she can't be left alone in this house. Her lack of sight makes it very difficult for her to get around (so she can't come with to run errands), and it just isn't safe for her to be alone in unfamiliar territory (so it means someone has to stay home with her at all times).

This morning, she was drinking out of a mug that I think was mine from when I was a teenager that said "I am the future! Scary, isn't it?" I found the message, which was intended to be on a teenager's mug, very poignant.

my big loud family

Being back with my whole family again is an interesting experience. In some ways, everything is very familiar, and in other ways it feels like I'm in a foreign country adjusting to the culture.

I come from a family where the norm is: loud talking, strong opinions, multiple conversations happening at once in the same room, and sometimes overlapping participants. Yesterday, I realized, that I love that cacophony, and sometimes I miss it. Growing up, I often felt like my family was "dysfunctional" because everyone was always yelling at everyone else. I now realize that it is just the culture of my family. That the loudness doesn't necessarily mean there is a problem, and that underlying it all is love.

At the same time, it is a very interesting experience being back here, and it really does feel like I'm in a totally different culture from how I choose to be. They don't recycle, they shop at Wal-mart, and TV plays a much bigger role in day-to-day living than I'm used to. Yesterday, I kept thinking that I've changed so much, but I realized just now that these are things that always bothered me growing up. so maybe I haven't changed all that much, and neither have they.

Surprise! aka "knock, knock"

Greetings from St. Louis, MO. I've been silent on the blogosphere for a few days because there was a big surprise brewing, and I couldn't share the news here because my sibs are all on myspace.

My sister Courtney flew out to CO on Wednesday night, and she and I toured around Colorado all day Thursday, and I got to introduce her to a bunch of my friends too. (That was really cool, folks, so thanks for coming out to meet her!)

Early Friday morning she and I left my house and drove nearly 14 hours to St. Louis (arriving at 10pm STL time) at my parent's house. My parents were expecting Courtney to arrive on Saturday afternoon by plane and me on Sunday by car. When we pulled up to the house, I called my folks from my cell. My dad answered and I told him I had a joke for him.

me: knock, knock
dad: who's there
me: me!
dad: me, who?
me: no, no. you don't get it. let me try again. Knock, knock.
dad: who's there?
me: me! (massive laughter)
dad: are you drunk?
me: no, I'm not drunk. Let me try one more time (walking up to the front door).
me: Knock, knock (saying the words while knocking on the door)
dad: who's there (while opening the door)
me: SURPRISE! (my dad was still talking to me on the phone at this point while looking at me perplexed. He then got excited and continuted to talk to me on the phone even though I was standing in front of him. At this point, Courtney jumped out from behind a tree...and mass chaos and happiness followed.

It was a good surprise, I think. It took lots of explaining, but eventually everyone figured out that we were there early.

It is pretty cool because this is the first time in many years that my entire family (all my sibs) are togther in one place at one time. I will have to try to figure out how long it has been...I hadn't seen Courtney in 2.5 years, so it was longer ago than that when we were all together.

I'm going back to family time, now, but wanted to share the fun.

stress-induced spaz attack

Today I had a bit of a stress-induced spaz attack. I think there is a bit of pre-vacation freak out occurring. Somehow whenever I am getting ready to go on vacation, things just start exploding at work. I'm not really sure why that is, but it seems to be true for a lot of people I know.

The last few days have been hectic at work, which has actually been exciting...I realized that I function well and get more efficient with my time when there is a bit of pressure and some deadlines. Today, though, was a little over the top because I thought that two of my closest friends were mad at me. I had no real reason to believe this other than I hadn't talked to one of them since yesterday and I thought he wasn't returning my calls (which wasn't true...my phone was just being weird and wasn't showing that I had messages), and the other person wasn't feeling well on Saturday and so didn't come to bowling. Really, no reason to think anything was wrong, but in my newly re-found stress, I had a bit of a spaz attack.

I then started imagining that another friend was mad at me so I called him, and he assured me that he was not. Sometimes a dose of love and friendship from afar is what we need to snap back into reality and out of the spazzy mode.

babies

well, maybe it is the new 29-thing talking, but I'm not so sure I want to have babies. I spent 3 hours at the house of some folks I know through work who had a baby a month ago. I was one of the first to learn of their pregnancy and watched the development enviously throughtout the months. I really did have moments where I wanted to be pregnant too...not that I'm trying, because I'm not.

For a few months in the spring and early summer, having babies (and avoiding having babies) was the hot topic for me and my girlfriends to talk about. Not once this evening did I get any pangs of "I want a baby". This is somewhat of a weird experience for me, because I used to really want to have babies. I was a weird little girl by some standards, and never dreamed of being married, and never really thought I'd be married, but I always imagined that I'd have a child. So here I am, with a husband...and I'm not sure I want a child.

tonight one of my sisters was encouraging me to "pop out some babies" so that my family would stop pestering her about not having a boyfriend. sorry, sis, I may not be able to help you with this one.

so I've entered that phase of life. weird.

well, maybe it is the new 29-thing talking, but I'm not so sure I want to have babies. I spent 3 hours at the house of some folks I know through work who had a baby a month ago. I was one of the first to learn of their pregnancy and watched the development enviously throughtout the months. I really did have moments where I wanted to be pregnant too...not that I'm trying, because I'm not.

For a few months in the spring and early summer, having babies (and avoiding having babies) was the hot topic for me and my girlfriends to talk about. Not once this evening did I get any pangs of "I want a baby". This is somewhat of a weird experience for me, because I used to really want to have babies. I was a weird little girl by some standards, and never dreamed of being married, and never really thought I'd be married, but I always imagined that I'd have a child. So here I am, with a husband...and I'm not sure I want a child.

tonight one of my sisters was encouraging me to "pop out some babies" so that my family would stop pestering her about not having a boyfriend. sorry, sis, I may not be able to help you with this one.

so I've entered that phase of life. weird.