Thursday, August 9, 2007
sleepy sleepy peep
i realized today that i am not taking super great care of me. i'm not taking bad care of me, just not great care. i'm wiped out and need to sleep more. i haven't been to the gym in ages. i have friends I want to call and talk to and blogs to read and comments to post and blogs to post and comments to read and i don't have the time. the next few days are about conscious reset, connecting with friends, connecting with me, and doing a little self-care and pampering.
Saturday, August 4, 2007
endings suck
so it is 9pm on saturday night, i'm at my work trying to schedule a meeting for monday or tuesday, but the server seems to be down on all my office building computers. strangely, wireless is working (after having no wireless in my building for the last 2 weeks). strangeness. Wireless at my apartment has disappeared, and right now, I'm just not willing to take on one more expense. Maybe in a few months when other spending is more regular I'll be willing, but right now it is the principle of the thing. I just won't. harumph. so blogging will be sporadic...not the end of the world.
This has been a week of a lot of goodbyes. My friend and found-cousin Paul left this week for the west coast. He and his wonderful partner T will be traveling for months, and may never permanently return to Boulder. I don't know when I'll see him again. He's one of my best friends and I miss him terribly already. Just knowing he's not up the street makes me sad. No more happy hours with him at the St. Ju or hangouts at his place staying up late into the night with the munchies and DVR.
Earlier this week, we met with and signed with our real estate agents. The house will be on the market next weekend. Today and Sunday we're garage sale-ing a ton of stuff at the longmont house. I got up at 5:15am today to get up to the house before the start of the 7am sale. I'll be doing same tomorrow. My gorgeous yellow room is being painted white.
I found out yesterday that one of my chickens, Stripe, died earlier this week.
We sold Brinca. She was picked up later in the afternoon by her new family. I started crying about 10 seconds after they pulled away. I went out to open a gate for the animals and ended up sitting down in the pen with my face in my hands sobbing. I've been crying on and off since. When doing evening chores, I went out into the big pasture with the girls and sat in the grass and talked to my animals and cried. I told them I was sorry for not being able to continue to care for them. I was sorry I wasn't going to be able to see the new baby, Kombucho, grow up. I was sorry I wouldn't be there for their entire lives like I thought I might be. Pokie is due in the fall, and her belly is getting bigger...I could see the baby moving and I talked to that unborn baby saying I was sorry that I might never get to meet it out in the world.
endings suck.
This has been a week of a lot of goodbyes. My friend and found-cousin Paul left this week for the west coast. He and his wonderful partner T will be traveling for months, and may never permanently return to Boulder. I don't know when I'll see him again. He's one of my best friends and I miss him terribly already. Just knowing he's not up the street makes me sad. No more happy hours with him at the St. Ju or hangouts at his place staying up late into the night with the munchies and DVR.
Earlier this week, we met with and signed with our real estate agents. The house will be on the market next weekend. Today and Sunday we're garage sale-ing a ton of stuff at the longmont house. I got up at 5:15am today to get up to the house before the start of the 7am sale. I'll be doing same tomorrow. My gorgeous yellow room is being painted white.
I found out yesterday that one of my chickens, Stripe, died earlier this week.
We sold Brinca. She was picked up later in the afternoon by her new family. I started crying about 10 seconds after they pulled away. I went out to open a gate for the animals and ended up sitting down in the pen with my face in my hands sobbing. I've been crying on and off since. When doing evening chores, I went out into the big pasture with the girls and sat in the grass and talked to my animals and cried. I told them I was sorry for not being able to continue to care for them. I was sorry I wasn't going to be able to see the new baby, Kombucho, grow up. I was sorry I wouldn't be there for their entire lives like I thought I might be. Pokie is due in the fall, and her belly is getting bigger...I could see the baby moving and I talked to that unborn baby saying I was sorry that I might never get to meet it out in the world.
endings suck.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
frazzle
I have been one busy girl! One busy girl with no internet access!
I took the week off to take care of some things that I've been needing to take care of (airport driving, birthday celebrating, birthday celebration recovery time, furniture moving, etc.)
Tomorrow I drive 14 hours to St. Louis to see my folks, see my friend Nick (YAY!), and see a free Ani DiFranco concert down by the Arch on the riverfront in the continuation of my birthday celebration. I've got much left to do and not a lot of time to do it, so there will be more blogging (maybe) from STL.
Also, for those of you who know my friend Adam, please keep him and his family in your thoughts/prayers...his father died in a car accident at the beginning of the week.
I took the week off to take care of some things that I've been needing to take care of (airport driving, birthday celebrating, birthday celebration recovery time, furniture moving, etc.)
Tomorrow I drive 14 hours to St. Louis to see my folks, see my friend Nick (YAY!), and see a free Ani DiFranco concert down by the Arch on the riverfront in the continuation of my birthday celebration. I've got much left to do and not a lot of time to do it, so there will be more blogging (maybe) from STL.
Also, for those of you who know my friend Adam, please keep him and his family in your thoughts/prayers...his father died in a car accident at the beginning of the week.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
boing!
So life can bring you what you need when you need it. Last night my roommate and I had a movie night with some friends at out place, and it was SO fun. I had so desperately needed fun. We had pizza and ice cream and popcorn and I made cookies. We hung out and talked and talked for a long while and then watched Harry Potter 2, 3, and 4 (that's 7.5 hours of movie alone). I love, love, love hosting events that go so well, where friends from different circles get together and have a good time. I loved making cookies and getting silly and laughing and being playful and bouncing back out of the pit of dark sadness that I've been in for the last 3 weeks into love and light and joy. I had so little sleep last night, but the boost I got from last night has given me so much energy that I'm still bounding around cheery and happy.
Today I saw M's parents and our nephews and went to see "Ratatouille". It was a good movie that poked at a few of my hotspots, and it was good to see my nephews. After the movie we got some food and then went back to the house in Longmont. We romped with the alpacas for a while and then I played with the 7 year old on our mini trampoline by running across the room, jumping on the trampoline and bouncing off (sometimes with a mid-air twist)...BOING! Bouncing back on out of the dark pit of sadness.
And bouncing out doesn't mean there won't be more sadness, just that I'm not constantly in that deep, dark place (for now). It is so nice to feel good and to feel good about myself. I had forgotton what it was like.
I've started my traditional re-read of the entire Harry Potter series before the release of the next (and last) book. Re-reading the books has got me thinking of the time the last book was released. The last book, Half-Blood Prince, was released on my birthday 2 years ago...it was a weird birthday full of happy waiting at the bookstore until midnight for the release of the book followed by Harry Potter reading until 4am followed by waking up in the morning to learn that our 1-month old baby alpaca was dying and driving to south denver to get him and take him to the vet hospital in Ft. Collins and staying with him and mom, Angel for hours and agonizing over the decision of whether or not to euthanize him. That was a pretty crappy birthday, actually.
I'm a week away from my 30th birthday. This year, no death allowed.
Today I saw M's parents and our nephews and went to see "Ratatouille". It was a good movie that poked at a few of my hotspots, and it was good to see my nephews. After the movie we got some food and then went back to the house in Longmont. We romped with the alpacas for a while and then I played with the 7 year old on our mini trampoline by running across the room, jumping on the trampoline and bouncing off (sometimes with a mid-air twist)...BOING! Bouncing back on out of the dark pit of sadness.
And bouncing out doesn't mean there won't be more sadness, just that I'm not constantly in that deep, dark place (for now). It is so nice to feel good and to feel good about myself. I had forgotton what it was like.
I've started my traditional re-read of the entire Harry Potter series before the release of the next (and last) book. Re-reading the books has got me thinking of the time the last book was released. The last book, Half-Blood Prince, was released on my birthday 2 years ago...it was a weird birthday full of happy waiting at the bookstore until midnight for the release of the book followed by Harry Potter reading until 4am followed by waking up in the morning to learn that our 1-month old baby alpaca was dying and driving to south denver to get him and take him to the vet hospital in Ft. Collins and staying with him and mom, Angel for hours and agonizing over the decision of whether or not to euthanize him. That was a pretty crappy birthday, actually.
I'm a week away from my 30th birthday. This year, no death allowed.
Saturday, July 7, 2007
layers of sad
ok, so I'm sad lady these days. sorry to bum you all out. I'm leaning into the sadness, really feeling it, and not numbing out or distracting myself.
My cousin-friend Paul is moving away at the end of July. My friend Chad is moving away in 2 weeks. I am getting divorced. so layers and layers of sad.
M's parents and our nephews arrive today. I know there will be awkwardness and sadness, but I'm looking forward to seeing those boys. They are 10 and 7, and I hope I get to play legos with them, but I probably won't get to.
So I am princess cries a lot and my picture is my dead cat and my song is a sad one. I'll come back out of the hole soon, I promise.
At least I finally finished the book that I had been reading that was all doom and gloom. Next I start the re-read of all the Harry Potter books in preparation for the new one coming out.
If you want cheering up, go read Aunt Purl. I love her photos of zukes.
My cousin-friend Paul is moving away at the end of July. My friend Chad is moving away in 2 weeks. I am getting divorced. so layers and layers of sad.
M's parents and our nephews arrive today. I know there will be awkwardness and sadness, but I'm looking forward to seeing those boys. They are 10 and 7, and I hope I get to play legos with them, but I probably won't get to.
So I am princess cries a lot and my picture is my dead cat and my song is a sad one. I'll come back out of the hole soon, I promise.
At least I finally finished the book that I had been reading that was all doom and gloom. Next I start the re-read of all the Harry Potter books in preparation for the new one coming out.
If you want cheering up, go read Aunt Purl. I love her photos of zukes.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
back from the blogout. yes, I'm an addict.
I got back Sunday night from my trip to Boston. While in Boston I had essentially no internet access. I did get online 2-3 times for around 5-10 min, but that was only to check essential stuff (confirming a work interview thing and checking my plane times). So I experienced a myspace and blog and email blackout for 6 days. (those of you who've sent worried emails or have felt neglected, it was the lack of internet access).
It was interesting to watch my mind around the whole thing. The first night I wandered around the BFF's condo with my laptop desperately looking for wireless that wasn't password protected. Alas, there was none. Looking at myself walking around trying to find a connection helped me see how HOOKED I am on this internet thing. Hello, my name is Jennie, and I'm an internet addict.
It was also interesting to get out of the Boulder bubble. I know I live in a bubble, I do. But I forget just HOW different Boulder is from other parts of the US. Maybe it was being on the east coast, maybe it was being with the BFF, probably both things. It was good to get out of Boulder and remember that not everyone is an olympic athlete, 97% of the population is NOT white, many people don't recycle (and there are places where you can't even find recycle bins if you want to recycle), local & organic foods are not as easy to find as one might think, what we think of as expensive real estate in Boulder is laughable compared to some other cities, and wow, I really am liberal.
For those who were wondering about my sister, she ROCKED those boards and she's now an official nurse. Yes, us Hyatt girls are Pretty AND Smart.
Spending time with the BFF was SO fun. It was so good to reconnect and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. On my arrival day, I got there in mid-afternoon, and we talked for 7 hours straight. We did some touristy stuff (whale watching, clam chowda eatin', downtown walking, more seafood eatin', going to the planetarium, and going to see Laser U2). We talked and talked and talked. Ok, we talked a lot. The BFF is such a good mirror for me...I see what my life could be if I had made some different choices. I see that my choices have taken me on a path that has helped me express parts of me that have always been there. I see in her the best (and sometimes the worst) in me. She helps me remember that I'm smart, I'm capable. She reminds me of the things I've done well, and reminds me of my patterns. I also see in her things I wish I could be...
And I've been dreaming a lot lately. Dreaming of friends that I miss, dreaming of people that I care about. There have also been worrying dreams too. An apocalyptic dream, another dream where one of my students dies (someone I saw today at a work meeting, so I know he's alive). Maybe I need to finish the book I'm reading that has a lot of world ending stuff in it.
And back to the BFF visit. My nerdiness quotient seemed to skyrocket...back to old patterns, I think. At the planetarium show, they did a demo and the person leading it made an incorrect statement calling the part of the moon that is in shadow the "dark side". The dark side of the moon is the side of the moon that is never facing the earth. For those not up on their astronomy, the moon rotates in such a way that only one side of the moon ever faces the earth, the other side is the "dark side". So I grumbled about that. And before the laser show, they had some info about lasers in a slide show, and one of the slides said "the laser is made of Argon and Krypton gas"...really the slide should have said "THIS laser is made of Argon..." because lasers can be made of a wide range of materials, not just gasses. There are semiconductor and even solid state lasers. grumble, grumble. LASER, by the way, stands for light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation. whew, now my brain is spinning off remembering the time in grad school when I started asking questions of my profs (he was a chemist). He had talked about lasers in class, and some of the info he gave didn't make sense to me...it seemed he explained some things wrong. he wasn't convinced that I was right...turns out I was and he made corrections in the next class. Yup, Hyatt girls are smart and pretty.
It was interesting to watch my mind around the whole thing. The first night I wandered around the BFF's condo with my laptop desperately looking for wireless that wasn't password protected. Alas, there was none. Looking at myself walking around trying to find a connection helped me see how HOOKED I am on this internet thing. Hello, my name is Jennie, and I'm an internet addict.
It was also interesting to get out of the Boulder bubble. I know I live in a bubble, I do. But I forget just HOW different Boulder is from other parts of the US. Maybe it was being on the east coast, maybe it was being with the BFF, probably both things. It was good to get out of Boulder and remember that not everyone is an olympic athlete, 97% of the population is NOT white, many people don't recycle (and there are places where you can't even find recycle bins if you want to recycle), local & organic foods are not as easy to find as one might think, what we think of as expensive real estate in Boulder is laughable compared to some other cities, and wow, I really am liberal.
For those who were wondering about my sister, she ROCKED those boards and she's now an official nurse. Yes, us Hyatt girls are Pretty AND Smart.
Spending time with the BFF was SO fun. It was so good to reconnect and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. On my arrival day, I got there in mid-afternoon, and we talked for 7 hours straight. We did some touristy stuff (whale watching, clam chowda eatin', downtown walking, more seafood eatin', going to the planetarium, and going to see Laser U2). We talked and talked and talked. Ok, we talked a lot. The BFF is such a good mirror for me...I see what my life could be if I had made some different choices. I see that my choices have taken me on a path that has helped me express parts of me that have always been there. I see in her the best (and sometimes the worst) in me. She helps me remember that I'm smart, I'm capable. She reminds me of the things I've done well, and reminds me of my patterns. I also see in her things I wish I could be...
And I've been dreaming a lot lately. Dreaming of friends that I miss, dreaming of people that I care about. There have also been worrying dreams too. An apocalyptic dream, another dream where one of my students dies (someone I saw today at a work meeting, so I know he's alive). Maybe I need to finish the book I'm reading that has a lot of world ending stuff in it.
And back to the BFF visit. My nerdiness quotient seemed to skyrocket...back to old patterns, I think. At the planetarium show, they did a demo and the person leading it made an incorrect statement calling the part of the moon that is in shadow the "dark side". The dark side of the moon is the side of the moon that is never facing the earth. For those not up on their astronomy, the moon rotates in such a way that only one side of the moon ever faces the earth, the other side is the "dark side". So I grumbled about that. And before the laser show, they had some info about lasers in a slide show, and one of the slides said "the laser is made of Argon and Krypton gas"...really the slide should have said "THIS laser is made of Argon..." because lasers can be made of a wide range of materials, not just gasses. There are semiconductor and even solid state lasers. grumble, grumble. LASER, by the way, stands for light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation. whew, now my brain is spinning off remembering the time in grad school when I started asking questions of my profs (he was a chemist). He had talked about lasers in class, and some of the info he gave didn't make sense to me...it seemed he explained some things wrong. he wasn't convinced that I was right...turns out I was and he made corrections in the next class. Yup, Hyatt girls are smart and pretty.
frazzle
I have been one busy girl! One busy girl with no internet access!
I took the week off to take care of some things that I've been needing to take care of (airport driving, birthday celebrating, birthday celebration recovery time, furniture moving, etc.)
Tomorrow I drive 14 hours to St. Louis to see my folks, see my friend Nick (YAY!), and see a free Ani DiFranco concert down by the Arch on the riverfront in the continuation of my birthday celebration. I've got much left to do and not a lot of time to do it, so there will be more blogging (maybe) from STL.
Also, for those of you who know my friend Adam, please keep him and his family in your thoughts/prayers...his father died in a car accident at the beginning of the week.
I took the week off to take care of some things that I've been needing to take care of (airport driving, birthday celebrating, birthday celebration recovery time, furniture moving, etc.)
Tomorrow I drive 14 hours to St. Louis to see my folks, see my friend Nick (YAY!), and see a free Ani DiFranco concert down by the Arch on the riverfront in the continuation of my birthday celebration. I've got much left to do and not a lot of time to do it, so there will be more blogging (maybe) from STL.
Also, for those of you who know my friend Adam, please keep him and his family in your thoughts/prayers...his father died in a car accident at the beginning of the week.
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