My siblings are cool. Maybe someday I'll figure out how to stop being the oldest sister, and be more like a peer. I feels like it is hard to do since I remember when they were each born, changed their diapers, taught them how to dance, taught them how to climb trees, beat them at every ATARI and Nintendo game we ever had, was always the mama bird in that bird game we played, helped them with their math homework, edited their essays, got them in trouble, got them out of trouble, broke down the cerfew barriers, "set a good example", softened up the parents so they could have it easier, gave each of them the "how to use a credit card (the right way)" and "what mom and dad didn't tell you about the real world" talks before they went to college, let one of them live with me for nearly a year, gave one a car (even if it turned out to be crappy), took another one on a pre-college scope-out of two colleges and co-signed student loans, etc. I love them, can't ya tell.
I dropped the egg count for a few days. 4 eggs today, 3 yesterday, and I forget how many before that.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Tuesday afternoon
So I'm finally trying to emerge from the black hole of the past few days....what a whirlwind! It was amazing, and wonderful, and I'm glad that most of the work is done...now for the aftermath (sigh).
Yesterday was alpaca shearing day...we made 2 trips to the vet hosptial in Ft. Collins to get 6 animals shorn...they look incredibly funny now! I'll have to get some pictures posted. My poor, hairless, naked babies...and everytime I look at them I start laughing!
I took Miko to the airport early-early this morning, so I'm home alone for the rest of the week...and I think I'm coming down with a cold.
Yesterday was alpaca shearing day...we made 2 trips to the vet hosptial in Ft. Collins to get 6 animals shorn...they look incredibly funny now! I'll have to get some pictures posted. My poor, hairless, naked babies...and everytime I look at them I start laughing!
I took Miko to the airport early-early this morning, so I'm home alone for the rest of the week...and I think I'm coming down with a cold.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
popping bubbles
Yesterday, we went to my boss's house to watch the Bolder Boulder, Boulder's annual 10K run. His house is about half-way on the route, and so we got to see an incredible mass of humanity streaming past. I didn't see any of the people who I knew were in the race, and saw several people that I didn't realize would be in it. My boss's wife set up a bubble machine in the front yard to keep the kids occupied and also as entertainment for the passing runners. It was fascinating to me to see runners of all ages coming past us excitedly yelling "BUBBLES!" and running with arms over their heads through the soapy, floating, spheres.
I thought of those bursting, glistening orbs when I spoke to my grandma last night and she told me that it wouldn't be too late for me to go back to school and get my PhD. The mantra I kept hearing from my mother and grandmother when I quit med school and became an engineering PhD student was that I could always change my mind and go back and get my MD. Then later when I quit my PhD program with "only" a masters degree, again the mantra that was chanted in my ear in most every telephone call "you can always go back, you can still get your doctorate".
So many people over the years have seen me as a bright, shiny object, one that could do amazing things, and over and over I keep bursting their expectations. I don't regret my choices. I feel every bubble popped has lead me in a direction that has felt right. My choices may not be ones that my mother or grandmother would have made, but I am happy. I am home.
I thought of those bursting, glistening orbs when I spoke to my grandma last night and she told me that it wouldn't be too late for me to go back to school and get my PhD. The mantra I kept hearing from my mother and grandmother when I quit med school and became an engineering PhD student was that I could always change my mind and go back and get my MD. Then later when I quit my PhD program with "only" a masters degree, again the mantra that was chanted in my ear in most every telephone call "you can always go back, you can still get your doctorate".
So many people over the years have seen me as a bright, shiny object, one that could do amazing things, and over and over I keep bursting their expectations. I don't regret my choices. I feel every bubble popped has lead me in a direction that has felt right. My choices may not be ones that my mother or grandmother would have made, but I am happy. I am home.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
my very scheduled life
I've been feeling very claustrophobic with my life the last few days...I have so many things that I want to do with my time, but don't have the time to do them all. My weekend is so full that Michael and I have to schedule a time to go to the grocery store! I love having a farm and a garden, but I have to be able to be home a certain amount of time everyday to take care of a bunch of necessary responsibilities. I love my friends and family, and I never have enough time to talk to everyone I want to, or spend time with everyone I want to.
Michael desperately wants a dog. He grew up with dogs, and the longest I've been around a dog was a week last summer when we owned a dog and then had to give it back because it kept running away. It has become more and more clear to me that I don't want a dog. I don't want to add on the responsibility of care for a being that needs human attention and affection (on top of routine care like feeding). Our alpacas and chickens don't need us to be around, and really just need us to make sure they have food and water and shelter, and at birthing time to make sure they don't die in labor. Every time he talks about getting a dog, I get more claustrophobic. I've told him this, and I know that he gets it on some level, but that doesn't keep him from wanting a dog...sigh.
Michael desperately wants a dog. He grew up with dogs, and the longest I've been around a dog was a week last summer when we owned a dog and then had to give it back because it kept running away. It has become more and more clear to me that I don't want a dog. I don't want to add on the responsibility of care for a being that needs human attention and affection (on top of routine care like feeding). Our alpacas and chickens don't need us to be around, and really just need us to make sure they have food and water and shelter, and at birthing time to make sure they don't die in labor. Every time he talks about getting a dog, I get more claustrophobic. I've told him this, and I know that he gets it on some level, but that doesn't keep him from wanting a dog...sigh.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
incredible day
What a day! After the crazy emotional rollercoaster yesterday, today has been incredible.
I stayed home from work today because I had a funny feeling about Maya, and she looked a little poofy and swollen in the rigt places. I kept checking throughtout the morning, and at 11:20 I looked out the window and saw her straining. By the time I got outside, the front feet and nose were out! I called my llama-rescue neighbor to come help (I haven't done one of these alone yet) and with my neighbor's guidance, I helped deliver the baby at 11:35am. She is gorgeous, solid black, fiesty, and full of life. No way this baby is going to have BVDV! She was standing within 20 minutes, and was nursing after 1 hour.
Since I was home all day, I spent a considerable amount of time being nostalgic and emailing back and forth with an old friend that found me in myspace land. Yay.
And my Paulie wanted to go shopping with me
And now Lisa and John are over and the oven is heating up for us to cook our pizza, and then we'll watch Xmen 1 and 2! And they're sleeping over! What a great day!
I stayed home from work today because I had a funny feeling about Maya, and she looked a little poofy and swollen in the rigt places. I kept checking throughtout the morning, and at 11:20 I looked out the window and saw her straining. By the time I got outside, the front feet and nose were out! I called my llama-rescue neighbor to come help (I haven't done one of these alone yet) and with my neighbor's guidance, I helped deliver the baby at 11:35am. She is gorgeous, solid black, fiesty, and full of life. No way this baby is going to have BVDV! She was standing within 20 minutes, and was nursing after 1 hour.
Since I was home all day, I spent a considerable amount of time being nostalgic and emailing back and forth with an old friend that found me in myspace land. Yay.
And my Paulie wanted to go shopping with me
And now Lisa and John are over and the oven is heating up for us to cook our pizza, and then we'll watch Xmen 1 and 2! And they're sleeping over! What a great day!
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
roller coaster
crazy emotional roller coaster of a day and a half...
DOWN. I got a call last night that has put the Fear in me. One of our alpacas was at a ranch in the fall for breeding where it turns out another animal was being boarded that was just diagnosed as a PI (persistently infected) for BVDV (bovine viral diarrheal virus). These BVDV PI animals get infected in-utero when their mom is exposed to an animal with the virus. An animal that is determined to be PI must be "destroyed". So this means that we have a female who was breeding and became pregnant while she could have been exposed to this virus...which means there is a good chance she got the virus and so is pregnant with a PI baby...who will be tested the day it is born...and maybe will have to be "destroyed" within days of birth. To top it off, we have 2 other pregnant girls that we took to that ranch to "spit test" (pregnancy test)...so they've all had some exposure. I can't even begin to imagine having to lose 3 babies this year.
UP. have read 3 books in the last 24 hours...Prince Caspian, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, & The Silver Chair (all by CS Lewis) Yay for escapism via Narnia.
DOWN. Got a call today from my Dad that my grandma is back in the hospital. And it hs been 8 weeks, so my brother is heading home for his next treatment.
UP. DOWN. UP. was contacted by someone I haven't been in touch with for 9+ years...I was really happy and excited about hearing from them...then spent nearly an hour trying to figure out how to respond to part of one of the email exchanges...had a bit of a freakout around that...and then decided that if I had done something horrible in the past that time has erased from my memory, they probably wouldn't have initiated contact (i think)
DOWN. realized mid-blog that I left the water on in the garden (so it was on for 5 hours!)
UP. Started seriously planning a fun sleepover at my house with a few friends tomorrow night (yay!) that will include watching X-men 1 and 2 and eating junk food and I now know for sure that John and Lisa are both coming, and maybe Jess?
DOWN. It is nearly midnight, and I haven't talked to Michael today...I don't sleep well when he's gone, and I'm being quite the insomniac right now, and I'll probably be hurting in the AM...maybe I'll start another book
3 eggs today.
DOWN. I got a call last night that has put the Fear in me. One of our alpacas was at a ranch in the fall for breeding where it turns out another animal was being boarded that was just diagnosed as a PI (persistently infected) for BVDV (bovine viral diarrheal virus). These BVDV PI animals get infected in-utero when their mom is exposed to an animal with the virus. An animal that is determined to be PI must be "destroyed". So this means that we have a female who was breeding and became pregnant while she could have been exposed to this virus...which means there is a good chance she got the virus and so is pregnant with a PI baby...who will be tested the day it is born...and maybe will have to be "destroyed" within days of birth. To top it off, we have 2 other pregnant girls that we took to that ranch to "spit test" (pregnancy test)...so they've all had some exposure. I can't even begin to imagine having to lose 3 babies this year.
UP. have read 3 books in the last 24 hours...Prince Caspian, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, & The Silver Chair (all by CS Lewis) Yay for escapism via Narnia.
DOWN. Got a call today from my Dad that my grandma is back in the hospital. And it hs been 8 weeks, so my brother is heading home for his next treatment.
UP. DOWN. UP. was contacted by someone I haven't been in touch with for 9+ years...I was really happy and excited about hearing from them...then spent nearly an hour trying to figure out how to respond to part of one of the email exchanges...had a bit of a freakout around that...and then decided that if I had done something horrible in the past that time has erased from my memory, they probably wouldn't have initiated contact (i think)
DOWN. realized mid-blog that I left the water on in the garden (so it was on for 5 hours!)
UP. Started seriously planning a fun sleepover at my house with a few friends tomorrow night (yay!) that will include watching X-men 1 and 2 and eating junk food and I now know for sure that John and Lisa are both coming, and maybe Jess?
DOWN. It is nearly midnight, and I haven't talked to Michael today...I don't sleep well when he's gone, and I'm being quite the insomniac right now, and I'll probably be hurting in the AM...maybe I'll start another book
3 eggs today.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Conference!
Quick update about the black hole of the jennieblog...I'm working all weekend helping to midwife the baby that I've been creating for over a year...a conference in celebration of 30+ years of the program that I work for. I probably won't have another opportunity to blog until Monday or Tues...we'll see.
It was amazing last night to see the approx 350 people at the opening keynote, and in particular to see so many people that I know (students, alumni, faculty, staff) and finally meet face to face with people that I've only previously communicated with by email or phone.
I expect that I'll crash when this whole thing is done b/c I'm working crazy hours (at work until 10 last night, back here at 7:30am, will be here tonight until 10, back again tomorrow at 7:30am...) and Monday is alpaca shearing day! I'm hopped up on adrenaline and WAY too much caffeine right now...babbeling...ok, must stop and just sit!
It was amazing last night to see the approx 350 people at the opening keynote, and in particular to see so many people that I know (students, alumni, faculty, staff) and finally meet face to face with people that I've only previously communicated with by email or phone.
I expect that I'll crash when this whole thing is done b/c I'm working crazy hours (at work until 10 last night, back here at 7:30am, will be here tonight until 10, back again tomorrow at 7:30am...) and Monday is alpaca shearing day! I'm hopped up on adrenaline and WAY too much caffeine right now...babbeling...ok, must stop and just sit!
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