so I'm back in Boulder!
Yesterday I completed the solo road trip by driving 435 miles from Santa Fe to Boulder in 6.75 hours. The day started with a lovely breakast at my B&B followed by a little reading in my room followed by a 1 hour massage. heaven. walking out of there, I was a little woozy, so I took myself to Trader Joe's (oh I miss my TJs) and got some snacks for later (yay for TJs brand of TastyBite, jasmine green tea, and papadum chips) and a kombucha from Pharmaca. I filled up the car (even though I could have gone another 250 miles without a refill) since I needed a little bit of time and space after the massage before getting on the highway.
I left at noon and drove and drove and drove through mountains and prairies and mountains again. The roads were once again eerily empty. I stopped after 4 hours for a snack at Cracker Barrel (fried okra, turnip greens, greenbeans and a big glass of milk)...I do love me some southern style greens. Back on the road, massive yucky construction rush hour traffic in Colorado Springs, but even with that delay I was parked at Dolly's by 6:40. I got home, nobody was there, so I showered the road grime off, called my parents, sent a hello text, and sat down for 2 minutes when Dolly and Adam came home. Dolly's first words to me were something like "oh my god, you're so clear! you're glowing!" crazy, eh?
The trip was amazing. I feel so...myself. I feel integrated and whole and connected and happy. I seriously need to do this more often than once in a lifetime. I'm not sure solitary retreats are for me, but solo road trips sure are.
so I'm back, I went to my therapist this morning and then I went to work. I tried really hard to do work and was pretty successful until mid-afternoon when the bordom kicked in. holy crap do I miss having the teachers and students around. I miss the activity and the challenge. I'm sure this is good for me...the gap of summer helps me appreciate the school year all the more. If I never had the gap, I'd probably eventually get burnt out and resentful and not enjoy the crazy, busy, full, rich worklife. So the gap of summer is good. I just wish it wasn't so freakin' long! ;) well, it gives me time to solo road trip and group road trip (i've got some maybes) and to travel to Boston in June to see the BFF and to have time connect with old and new friends. so maybe summer isn't so bad, afterall.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
solo road trip day #7: glowing smushpot of love
So it just keeps getting better. Today i slept in again (8am!), showered, and then had breakfast at my B&B. So delightful to have delicious food prepared for you. There was wonderful fruit salad, homemade granola, and freshly made vegetarian corn/squash/pepper/tomato tamales with really good avocado on top. Super yum. After breakfast I walked to the Georgia O'Keefe Museum and spent some time there learning about her life, her work, and enjoying her art.
After the O'Keefe museum, I wandered around downtown Santa Fe, stopping in several of the art galleries (there seem to be hundreds of art galleries). My favorites were one whose name I can't remember with local artists and the other was the Chuck Jones Gallery. Oh, if to only have thousands and thousands to spend on art...oh well, looking is free! I wandered along the river and came across some really beautiful, bizarre carved wooden saints (see photo album). I bought a few pieces of jewelry as gifts (though I'm tempted to keep for self). I had lunch at a lovely place with a covered patio so I could be outside without frying (I think I'm developing my summer arm-only tan). After lunch, I walked and walked and walked some more. I went to a great used bookstore that really reminded me of the creepy bookstore in Buffy. There was even a section on the "occult". I bought two books, one lovely compilation of Shakespeare (all his plays and poems in one volume) and a copy of "Verses from the Center" by Stephen Batchelor, a book that I had borrowed for months from someone at work that has a wonderful translation of Nagarjuna's "Mulamadhyamakakarika" (for those who care). I then returned to my room and lounged/read/relaxed for half an hour before going to my SPA treatment.
Well, I thought yesterday was luxurious and pampering and indulgent, and it was, but today's treatment was bliss.
It all began with a foot scrub while sipping Jamu tonic which was some sort of chilled, fruity, herbal infusion. After the foot bath, I had a 1-hour, hot jasmine oil massage. I think yesterday's adventure in nakedness was just preparing me for today. Sure I've had professional whole-body massages in the past, but it usually takes me a good part of the massage to get comfortable with my own naked body being touched by someone else even with the covering and draping. Anyway, I had no shame holding me back, and I was able to enjoy the whole hot oil massage experience.
After the massage, I was covered in warm towels for a few minutes while my massage therapist prepared the body scrub. Section by section, I got another layer of hot oil rubbed in, I was then sprinkled with a turmeric, sandalwood, and rice powder, after the paste was scrubbed in, that section was then slathered in a mixture of honey and yogurt and then covered back up as she repeated the process over the rest of my body. After I was covered head to toe, I had 10 minutes in a private steam shower where I got to sit in the steam and let my whole body mask soak in. While I was steaming, my massage therapist prepared my bath.
After the steam shut off, I showered, and then climbed into my giant, granite bath tub that was filled with lovely warm water and hundreds of rose petals. There was ginger tea and a small plate of fruit and chocolate on the edge of the tub. Divine. 30 minutes in the tub is a long time to sit and think and try to float. For me, trying to float doesn't work. I discovered that when I was able to really let go, to not think about it, I was floating. So interesting to notice my breath, to notice the thoughts coming and going.
Laying in a tub covered in rose petals...what a silly thing, what a wonderful thing. Laying in the tub, sipping ginger tea, with soothing music playing quietly, I thought about the word sensual. Sensual means experiencing through the senses (sight, sound, touch, taste, smell). This spa package certainly hit all the senses. I find it interesting how the mind can make connections to memories based on sensual experiences...the taste of ginger tea reminded me of my first Naropa Orientation party where a first year student made ginger tea. The little plate of fruit and chocolate reminded me of spending time with my ex-sister-inlaw in Hawaii. The bath got me thinking about my mother, wondering if she ever has treated herself to this kind of experience. How I learned from my mother to take care of everyone else in your life before you take care of yourself. How I want to take care of her, to treat her and pamper her while I still can. When my time was up in the tub, my massage therapist rang a little bell to let me know it was time to get dressed. Is it all over so soon? And yet it feels a lifetime.
My outer self is radiating. My inner self is radiating. I am soft, I am melting, I am a glowing smushpot of love.
After the O'Keefe museum, I wandered around downtown Santa Fe, stopping in several of the art galleries (there seem to be hundreds of art galleries). My favorites were one whose name I can't remember with local artists and the other was the Chuck Jones Gallery. Oh, if to only have thousands and thousands to spend on art...oh well, looking is free! I wandered along the river and came across some really beautiful, bizarre carved wooden saints (see photo album). I bought a few pieces of jewelry as gifts (though I'm tempted to keep for self). I had lunch at a lovely place with a covered patio so I could be outside without frying (I think I'm developing my summer arm-only tan). After lunch, I walked and walked and walked some more. I went to a great used bookstore that really reminded me of the creepy bookstore in Buffy. There was even a section on the "occult". I bought two books, one lovely compilation of Shakespeare (all his plays and poems in one volume) and a copy of "Verses from the Center" by Stephen Batchelor, a book that I had borrowed for months from someone at work that has a wonderful translation of Nagarjuna's "Mulamadhyamakakarika" (for those who care). I then returned to my room and lounged/read/relaxed for half an hour before going to my SPA treatment.
Well, I thought yesterday was luxurious and pampering and indulgent, and it was, but today's treatment was bliss.
It all began with a foot scrub while sipping Jamu tonic which was some sort of chilled, fruity, herbal infusion. After the foot bath, I had a 1-hour, hot jasmine oil massage. I think yesterday's adventure in nakedness was just preparing me for today. Sure I've had professional whole-body massages in the past, but it usually takes me a good part of the massage to get comfortable with my own naked body being touched by someone else even with the covering and draping. Anyway, I had no shame holding me back, and I was able to enjoy the whole hot oil massage experience.
After the massage, I was covered in warm towels for a few minutes while my massage therapist prepared the body scrub. Section by section, I got another layer of hot oil rubbed in, I was then sprinkled with a turmeric, sandalwood, and rice powder, after the paste was scrubbed in, that section was then slathered in a mixture of honey and yogurt and then covered back up as she repeated the process over the rest of my body. After I was covered head to toe, I had 10 minutes in a private steam shower where I got to sit in the steam and let my whole body mask soak in. While I was steaming, my massage therapist prepared my bath.
After the steam shut off, I showered, and then climbed into my giant, granite bath tub that was filled with lovely warm water and hundreds of rose petals. There was ginger tea and a small plate of fruit and chocolate on the edge of the tub. Divine. 30 minutes in the tub is a long time to sit and think and try to float. For me, trying to float doesn't work. I discovered that when I was able to really let go, to not think about it, I was floating. So interesting to notice my breath, to notice the thoughts coming and going.
Laying in a tub covered in rose petals...what a silly thing, what a wonderful thing. Laying in the tub, sipping ginger tea, with soothing music playing quietly, I thought about the word sensual. Sensual means experiencing through the senses (sight, sound, touch, taste, smell). This spa package certainly hit all the senses. I find it interesting how the mind can make connections to memories based on sensual experiences...the taste of ginger tea reminded me of my first Naropa Orientation party where a first year student made ginger tea. The little plate of fruit and chocolate reminded me of spending time with my ex-sister-inlaw in Hawaii. The bath got me thinking about my mother, wondering if she ever has treated herself to this kind of experience. How I learned from my mother to take care of everyone else in your life before you take care of yourself. How I want to take care of her, to treat her and pamper her while I still can. When my time was up in the tub, my massage therapist rang a little bell to let me know it was time to get dressed. Is it all over so soon? And yet it feels a lifetime.
My outer self is radiating. My inner self is radiating. I am soft, I am melting, I am a glowing smushpot of love.
Monday, May 28, 2007
solo road trip day #6: body body
What a wonderful, wonderful day! I woke up LATE, had a very late breakfast (almost lunch) at a cute local cafe in Albuquerque, and then drove toward where I thought the mountains were. Turns out I was wrong and headed toward the city. I realized that I was NOT interested in city stuff or museums today, and turned around and headed back east to the mountains. I had seen info on a scenic road through the mountains that would eventually lead to Santa Fe, so I hopped onto that road instead of getting on I-25. I am SO glad I did. I got to drive through the mountains, windows open, with Bruce Springstein serenading me (loudly)! Yay for scenic drives :)
I landed in Santa Fe and kept driving, feeling my way toward town. I eventually stopped in a parking lot to look up directions to my B&B only to discover that I was about 3 blocks away! My internal compass seemed to be working well today. I got to the B&B and checked in, got my stuff unloaded, had a little down time lounging on the super comfy bed, and then got myself back out on the road to a Japanese-style bath house just 20 minutes from my B&B.
Upon arrival, you are given a standard-issue kimono/robe, a locker key, and a brief tour of where to go. I opted for the "women's bath" which is a women's only section. I was really pushing my edges here since I'm generally freaked out by water and nakedness, and let me tell you, this place has an abundance of both. Well, I'm ok with other people's nakedness, and I'm ok with my own as long as nobody is around but me, but the idea of being naked in front of other people...well, there's a full-body blush. I don't even shower at the gym because I can't handle the being naked in front of other women part.
So getting to the tub took me a few stages. I had to start in the sauna in my kimono, then moved to a lounge chair in just a towel, then finally the full monty in the tub. After a few minutes in the hot water chatting with other great women, the whole being naked thing stopped being a big deal. Well it stayed a little deal, but was mostly fine :) I bounced between being in the hot tub, sitting on the edge of the tub with my feet in to cool down, getting back in to get really hot, then dashing to the cold plunge, getting so cold my feet started to spasm and then warming back up by sitting meditation in the sauna...all naked! I did this for over 2 HOURS. I have new-found comfort with my body. Sure I don't have a perfect body, but there sure wasn't anyone there that did. Everyone has flaws and scars and lumps and too much of some things and not enough of others. Right, being human doesn't mean being perfect. So I have a big butt and I don't have giant boobs. So what.
I didn't die of embarrassment, and I didn't drown (two things I was concerned about), and I would certainly go back another time. I'm not sure I'd be up for the "communal tub" that is mixed men & women...that's a whole other level of body stuff that I'm not ready to explore yet.
I am rested, I am hydrated, I smell good, my skin feels nice, I had an adventure and learned some things about myself...all for $20. What a bargain!
I landed in Santa Fe and kept driving, feeling my way toward town. I eventually stopped in a parking lot to look up directions to my B&B only to discover that I was about 3 blocks away! My internal compass seemed to be working well today. I got to the B&B and checked in, got my stuff unloaded, had a little down time lounging on the super comfy bed, and then got myself back out on the road to a Japanese-style bath house just 20 minutes from my B&B.
Upon arrival, you are given a standard-issue kimono/robe, a locker key, and a brief tour of where to go. I opted for the "women's bath" which is a women's only section. I was really pushing my edges here since I'm generally freaked out by water and nakedness, and let me tell you, this place has an abundance of both. Well, I'm ok with other people's nakedness, and I'm ok with my own as long as nobody is around but me, but the idea of being naked in front of other people...well, there's a full-body blush. I don't even shower at the gym because I can't handle the being naked in front of other women part.
So getting to the tub took me a few stages. I had to start in the sauna in my kimono, then moved to a lounge chair in just a towel, then finally the full monty in the tub. After a few minutes in the hot water chatting with other great women, the whole being naked thing stopped being a big deal. Well it stayed a little deal, but was mostly fine :) I bounced between being in the hot tub, sitting on the edge of the tub with my feet in to cool down, getting back in to get really hot, then dashing to the cold plunge, getting so cold my feet started to spasm and then warming back up by sitting meditation in the sauna...all naked! I did this for over 2 HOURS. I have new-found comfort with my body. Sure I don't have a perfect body, but there sure wasn't anyone there that did. Everyone has flaws and scars and lumps and too much of some things and not enough of others. Right, being human doesn't mean being perfect. So I have a big butt and I don't have giant boobs. So what.
I didn't die of embarrassment, and I didn't drown (two things I was concerned about), and I would certainly go back another time. I'm not sure I'd be up for the "communal tub" that is mixed men & women...that's a whole other level of body stuff that I'm not ready to explore yet.
I am rested, I am hydrated, I smell good, my skin feels nice, I had an adventure and learned some things about myself...all for $20. What a bargain!
Sunday, May 27, 2007
solo road trip day #5: texas to albuquerque
Today has been another interesting day. I woke up early EARLY when I heard Doug getting ready for work. I wanted to make sure I was awake to say good bye...I don't know how long it will be before I see him face to face again. He left for work at 5:30am! crazy army hours. I respect him so much. I don't agree with this war we're in, but we're in it. Doug and everyone else in the military doesn't just do a job, this is their LIFE. And chosing to serve your country doesn't just impact your life, it impact the lives of all those close to you. When he gets sent, his partner Susie will be impacted, his friends and family will be impacted, and ripples out and out and out. So on memorial day eve, I want to take a moment to say thank you to Doug and to Bryan and to all those I know and don't know who are serving this country so that I can chose whether or not to practice any religion, and I can chose to use birth control and I can chose to be married or not and I can chose to have fries with that (or not) and I can chose to take my freedom for granted (or not) and I can chose to vote and participate in the political process, and I can chose to spend way too many hours on myspace and so I can take solo road trips.
After Doug left, I went back to sleep and didn't wake up until nearly 9am! I showered, ate breakfast with Susie, and then got on the road at 10:30am. What a luxurious late start! I drove and drove and drove through Texas and New Mexico. I had no plan for where I'd be tonight other than knowing I'd be somewhere between Copperas Cove, TX and Santa Fe, NM. I decided to take a detour and go to Albuquerque. I'm now snug in my very swanky $40 motel room with free wireless, cable TV, a microwave, a mini fridge, and two queen beds. This is way more plush than my $30 motel room in Roswell, NM that didn't have any hot water for my sink or shower (seriously). There is even a little sampler freebie bag with EmergenC, face cream, tylenol, and granola bars!
I know this might sound weird, and Doug would probably say that it is my hippie, liberal side talking, but I put a little intention out there for an inexpensive, clean, easy to find, nice place to stay tonight. I said the word "indulge" again in my head and poof! here's this amazing room. So I feel like the universe is taking care of me. :)
I have no idea what I'll do in Albuquerque tomorrow. I'm only an hour or so from Santa Fe, and can check in as late as 8pm, so I will spend some time exploring. I was pulled here for a reason. i chose not to take the more direct road to Santa Fe when I had the chance, and something inside me said Albuquerque. Maybe it was all the 'q's and 'u's on the signs.
All I know is that when I was an hour from here, I could see the mountains in the distance, and I started to weep. Tear were summersaulting down my face. Maybe I'm just a mountain girl, maybe there is something more. I am curious to see what gifts the universe will give me tomorrow, what lessons I will learn, what adventures may happen. For now, I need to get some rest...my neck and shoulders are sore, and I am tired. 670miles in 11.5 hours today.
After Doug left, I went back to sleep and didn't wake up until nearly 9am! I showered, ate breakfast with Susie, and then got on the road at 10:30am. What a luxurious late start! I drove and drove and drove through Texas and New Mexico. I had no plan for where I'd be tonight other than knowing I'd be somewhere between Copperas Cove, TX and Santa Fe, NM. I decided to take a detour and go to Albuquerque. I'm now snug in my very swanky $40 motel room with free wireless, cable TV, a microwave, a mini fridge, and two queen beds. This is way more plush than my $30 motel room in Roswell, NM that didn't have any hot water for my sink or shower (seriously). There is even a little sampler freebie bag with EmergenC, face cream, tylenol, and granola bars!
I know this might sound weird, and Doug would probably say that it is my hippie, liberal side talking, but I put a little intention out there for an inexpensive, clean, easy to find, nice place to stay tonight. I said the word "indulge" again in my head and poof! here's this amazing room. So I feel like the universe is taking care of me. :)
I have no idea what I'll do in Albuquerque tomorrow. I'm only an hour or so from Santa Fe, and can check in as late as 8pm, so I will spend some time exploring. I was pulled here for a reason. i chose not to take the more direct road to Santa Fe when I had the chance, and something inside me said Albuquerque. Maybe it was all the 'q's and 'u's on the signs.
All I know is that when I was an hour from here, I could see the mountains in the distance, and I started to weep. Tear were summersaulting down my face. Maybe I'm just a mountain girl, maybe there is something more. I am curious to see what gifts the universe will give me tomorrow, what lessons I will learn, what adventures may happen. For now, I need to get some rest...my neck and shoulders are sore, and I am tired. 670miles in 11.5 hours today.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
solo road trip day #3 & #4: doug and susie time
Friday, May 25. Susie had to work today, so Doug and I had some just us time. We talked, we went to a great place for lunch, we played Munchkin, and we watched many many episodes of Highlander (TV series). Doug, Susie and I all went out to dinner together (chinese food) and then went 'on post' to get some provisions for the evening. We talked and played munchkin and the wii (whee) and got pretty silly.
Susie and I eventually decided to go on a walk. It was raining that drippy, misty, slow-soaking rain when we went out. It's been raining here since Thursday evening, so everything is pretty saturated. We walked and talked about our lives, how hard it is to admit when you've made a mistake, how hard it is to look at yourself, how hard it is to love yourself, and how all these things are essential. All these things make you stronger. Susie is one awesome woman, and I'm so happy that she and Doug are together. They both seem really happy and good for each other. Doug came out to find us after 45 minutes. We came inside, got some refreshment, and then went back out and walked & talked some more. We were probably out another 15-30min when it started raining hard, and we finally came in for good. We all talked a while longer before finally calling it a night at 2am. Yay for connecting and reconnecting with friends.
Saturday, May 26. Slept in...and that felt so good. Susie had some solo shopping time today, so Doug and I spent some more "just us" time together. We talked, played wii, went to another great place for lunch, and then came back to the house and watched more Highlander tv series episodes. (yay for geeking out on highlander!) Doug, Susie, and I went to dinner at a great little mom 'n' pop italian restaurant (yum) and then got icecream at another little mom 'n' pop place (double yum). We came back played more wii and munchkin (yay for geeking out on video games and munchkin). Tonight is early bed time for everyone. Doug has to leave for work at 6am (stupid army hours) and so has to be in bed early. I'm trying to get sleepy too since tomorrow is my departure day.
The big solo adventure will resume...I dont know where I'm going to stop tomorrow, but it will be somewhere between Copperas Cove, TX and Santa Fe, NM. I have no city planned, and certainly no lodging secured. I'm going to really push my edge on this one and see where I land. Spontaneity is not something I'm good at or comfortable with. I like plans, I like security, and it is high time for me to come back to being playful and trust the universe (and myself).
Susie and I eventually decided to go on a walk. It was raining that drippy, misty, slow-soaking rain when we went out. It's been raining here since Thursday evening, so everything is pretty saturated. We walked and talked about our lives, how hard it is to admit when you've made a mistake, how hard it is to look at yourself, how hard it is to love yourself, and how all these things are essential. All these things make you stronger. Susie is one awesome woman, and I'm so happy that she and Doug are together. They both seem really happy and good for each other. Doug came out to find us after 45 minutes. We came inside, got some refreshment, and then went back out and walked & talked some more. We were probably out another 15-30min when it started raining hard, and we finally came in for good. We all talked a while longer before finally calling it a night at 2am. Yay for connecting and reconnecting with friends.
Saturday, May 26. Slept in...and that felt so good. Susie had some solo shopping time today, so Doug and I spent some more "just us" time together. We talked, played wii, went to another great place for lunch, and then came back to the house and watched more Highlander tv series episodes. (yay for geeking out on highlander!) Doug, Susie, and I went to dinner at a great little mom 'n' pop italian restaurant (yum) and then got icecream at another little mom 'n' pop place (double yum). We came back played more wii and munchkin (yay for geeking out on video games and munchkin). Tonight is early bed time for everyone. Doug has to leave for work at 6am (stupid army hours) and so has to be in bed early. I'm trying to get sleepy too since tomorrow is my departure day.
The big solo adventure will resume...I dont know where I'm going to stop tomorrow, but it will be somewhere between Copperas Cove, TX and Santa Fe, NM. I have no city planned, and certainly no lodging secured. I'm going to really push my edge on this one and see where I land. Spontaneity is not something I'm good at or comfortable with. I like plans, I like security, and it is high time for me to come back to being playful and trust the universe (and myself).
Thursday, May 24, 2007
solo road trip day #2: flying and going deeper
Today was a totally amazing, awesome day! It started out with waking up to realizing that the universe really is trying to help me out. Ok, let me go back in time...
Yesterday, before I left Dolly's house, I pulled 3 cards from her "Angel Cards", something she does every day and that I've started to do too. These are little cards that have words for support, guidance, inspiration, etc. My 3 cards: Healing, Transformation, Freedom. interesting, eh?
In my yesterday blog, I didn't mention that when I came back from dinner, I had a conversation with 3 men. I had parked the car in the motel lot, got out, and a few spaces over there were 2 men sitting on the tailgate of their truck drinking beer and chatting. When they saw me, they started chatting with me as I unloaded the car. Being a woman alone on the first night of the trip, I was a little hesitant to get too friendly, to give out too much info about myself. I noticed my guardedness, my lame excuse for leaving and retreating to my room.
This morning I woke up and said, hey, that was a missed opportunity last night. The men were friendly, and seemed genuine. They wanted me to know they were native american. They wanted me to talk to them. Girl, if you're going to have an adventure, go have an adventure! I thought about the Book of the Dead...this wasn't my only chance. I will have another opportunity, I just need to look for it, not be afraid.
so i got myself a lovely $3.00 breakfast at the Roswell Cover-Up Cafe (and Weather Balloon Monitoring Station). I had the flying saucer special (2 eggs sunny side up, hash browns, toast and coffee). You'll need to check out the photos in my picasa album to see the alien head street lights. What a goofy town.
I was feeling really good this morning, so I decided to go to Carlsbad Caverns. It twas SO SO worth it. Carlsbad Caverns is a giant cave system near Carlsbad, NM. There were several options for touring the caves, and I chose the $6 "self-guided" tour. You could choose to take an elevator directly from the visitor center (at the surface) to the "Big room" or take the "Natural Entrance". I chose the Natural Entrance route, which descends 750 feet over 1.25 miles and meets up in the Big Room. For a big National Park, I was surprised at how non-crowded the place was. It was really wonderful being able to hike down the trail with very little interaction with other people. I stopped a few times during the descent to write. Here's some transcriptions from my journal:
"Walking down dark twisty slippery path ways. My hand on the wet metal hand rail, feeling the moisture slide beneath my fingers as I go down deeper and deeper. I've passed all the people. I am alone on this descent, down into the womb of the great mother. Away from all human voices, away from the screeching of bats. Away from sunlight and cloud and wind. Only the sound of dripping water. It is dark. I descend faster and faster down the hill. I am almost running, almost flying. Something hits my pinky finger as it slides along the bar, and my hand recoils from the railing as if bitten. My mind slowly reacts: water drop. Nothing to fear. I go into the womb, into the grave. So dark and calm and moist and musty. I am cheerful. I am alone."
"I reach the Great Room. The Main Womb. And it is filled with phallices falling from the ceiling and reaching up from the floor. Everywhere I look in this womb. Emptiness and form. I reach the place with a lookout into a deep, dark hole. I cannot see the bottom. I lean far over the railing. This is not like me! I never get close to the edge like this, never lean over. But today I lean over, and I am not afraid."
I know now the cave dreams from a few nights ago were calling me here to this place. I felt so free, so alive. I felt connected to my beginning and my ending down deep within the earth. I will come back to this place. It is only a long day's drive from Boulder, after all.
I left the caverns at 12:45, and I drove and drove and drove though the last bit of New Mexico and into Texas. The roads are empty today again. I am delighted to have so much open space all to myself. I listen to my 2 new CDs purchased at the Caverns bookstore. I listen to Neil Diamond and sing loudly. I listen to my new CD mixes given by a friend before the trip for the second and third time. I drive for hours and hours. Who knew that Texas was so beautiful?! It started out in the West with vast flat lands with huge buttes, and then morphed into a land full of trees and creeks and wildflowers and goats. Hundreds of goats munching on grasses and flowers. So beautiful. When the sun went down, the rain began. Sheets of rain so hard and furious, I had to slow to 25mph for quite a while and was still edgy. Flooding on the sides of the roads, water pooling up in the intersections in the little towns. The lightening is so fantastic it blinds me. Mini-moments of just bright light and no other sensations. Lightening and rain and rain and rain.
I finally arrive at Doug's house. He comes out to greet me and we are both getting soaked as we hug. It is SO good to see his face. I hardly recognize this man. Even though I saw him a year ago for an hour, the last time I really spent time with him he was 16 and I was 18. We stayed up a while talking, and now he's asleep and I'm writing this.
Such a glorious day.
Yesterday, before I left Dolly's house, I pulled 3 cards from her "Angel Cards", something she does every day and that I've started to do too. These are little cards that have words for support, guidance, inspiration, etc. My 3 cards: Healing, Transformation, Freedom. interesting, eh?
In my yesterday blog, I didn't mention that when I came back from dinner, I had a conversation with 3 men. I had parked the car in the motel lot, got out, and a few spaces over there were 2 men sitting on the tailgate of their truck drinking beer and chatting. When they saw me, they started chatting with me as I unloaded the car. Being a woman alone on the first night of the trip, I was a little hesitant to get too friendly, to give out too much info about myself. I noticed my guardedness, my lame excuse for leaving and retreating to my room.
This morning I woke up and said, hey, that was a missed opportunity last night. The men were friendly, and seemed genuine. They wanted me to know they were native american. They wanted me to talk to them. Girl, if you're going to have an adventure, go have an adventure! I thought about the Book of the Dead...this wasn't my only chance. I will have another opportunity, I just need to look for it, not be afraid.
so i got myself a lovely $3.00 breakfast at the Roswell Cover-Up Cafe (and Weather Balloon Monitoring Station). I had the flying saucer special (2 eggs sunny side up, hash browns, toast and coffee). You'll need to check out the photos in my picasa album to see the alien head street lights. What a goofy town.
I was feeling really good this morning, so I decided to go to Carlsbad Caverns. It twas SO SO worth it. Carlsbad Caverns is a giant cave system near Carlsbad, NM. There were several options for touring the caves, and I chose the $6 "self-guided" tour. You could choose to take an elevator directly from the visitor center (at the surface) to the "Big room" or take the "Natural Entrance". I chose the Natural Entrance route, which descends 750 feet over 1.25 miles and meets up in the Big Room. For a big National Park, I was surprised at how non-crowded the place was. It was really wonderful being able to hike down the trail with very little interaction with other people. I stopped a few times during the descent to write. Here's some transcriptions from my journal:
"Walking down dark twisty slippery path ways. My hand on the wet metal hand rail, feeling the moisture slide beneath my fingers as I go down deeper and deeper. I've passed all the people. I am alone on this descent, down into the womb of the great mother. Away from all human voices, away from the screeching of bats. Away from sunlight and cloud and wind. Only the sound of dripping water. It is dark. I descend faster and faster down the hill. I am almost running, almost flying. Something hits my pinky finger as it slides along the bar, and my hand recoils from the railing as if bitten. My mind slowly reacts: water drop. Nothing to fear. I go into the womb, into the grave. So dark and calm and moist and musty. I am cheerful. I am alone."
"I reach the Great Room. The Main Womb. And it is filled with phallices falling from the ceiling and reaching up from the floor. Everywhere I look in this womb. Emptiness and form. I reach the place with a lookout into a deep, dark hole. I cannot see the bottom. I lean far over the railing. This is not like me! I never get close to the edge like this, never lean over. But today I lean over, and I am not afraid."
I know now the cave dreams from a few nights ago were calling me here to this place. I felt so free, so alive. I felt connected to my beginning and my ending down deep within the earth. I will come back to this place. It is only a long day's drive from Boulder, after all.
I left the caverns at 12:45, and I drove and drove and drove though the last bit of New Mexico and into Texas. The roads are empty today again. I am delighted to have so much open space all to myself. I listen to my 2 new CDs purchased at the Caverns bookstore. I listen to Neil Diamond and sing loudly. I listen to my new CD mixes given by a friend before the trip for the second and third time. I drive for hours and hours. Who knew that Texas was so beautiful?! It started out in the West with vast flat lands with huge buttes, and then morphed into a land full of trees and creeks and wildflowers and goats. Hundreds of goats munching on grasses and flowers. So beautiful. When the sun went down, the rain began. Sheets of rain so hard and furious, I had to slow to 25mph for quite a while and was still edgy. Flooding on the sides of the roads, water pooling up in the intersections in the little towns. The lightening is so fantastic it blinds me. Mini-moments of just bright light and no other sensations. Lightening and rain and rain and rain.
I finally arrive at Doug's house. He comes out to greet me and we are both getting soaked as we hug. It is SO good to see his face. I hardly recognize this man. Even though I saw him a year ago for an hour, the last time I really spent time with him he was 16 and I was 18. We stayed up a while talking, and now he's asleep and I'm writing this.
Such a glorious day.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
solo road trip day #1
warning: this blog is boring. sorry readers, but I'm tired and I'm pretty sure this is borning.
I had a busy, emotional day yesterday followed by a wonderful, grounding evening. I got to have dinner with a friend and had good food and really good conversation. I was a bit of a chatterbox, but I think that happens when I start telling stories. After dinner I went back to Dolly's and talked a lot more. I was so excited for my trip I woke up multiple times in the night thinking it was time to wake up! I had a really crazy dream in which I was trying to get to Shambhala Mountain Center, but the only way there was through a series of caves, and the caves were flooded (not to the ceiling, but with big lakes replacing the paths that I 'remembered'. I was pretty freaked out by the idea of abandoning the car and trying to swim across these flooding trails to get to SMC. I eventually did get in the water and crossed one part successfully. I was floating really well. Floating on my back, even. When I got to the other side I looked around the corner and saw there was another deep lake that needed to be crossed. I said, this is crazy, even if I do get across and get to smc, how will I get all the stuff back? I'm going to get all our stuff in the big red plastic boxes...that stuff won't float! Luckily there were others around who had experience with floods and when we decided to come back another time, the waters had all receded. weird, eh?
So on to the road trip.
I left Boulder this morning at 7:30 am with a plan to drive and drive and drive all the way to Roswell, NM. My hope was to arrive by 4pm so I could have an hour at the International UFO Museum & Research Center before they close at 5pm.
I had quite a lovely morning. The weather in Boulder was cool, and there wasn't much traffic in Denver. Things were pretty smooth sailing for the morning. I had good music: my ipod was set on shuffle, so I got a great mix of my tunes. It was so fun to get a Peter Gabriel song followed by Billy Idol followed by Death Cab for Cutie followed by ABBA followed by ZZ Top followed by Rickie Lee Jones (and on and on and on).
Since I was with just myself, I gave a big cheer when I reached the New Mexico border. Unfortunately, I didn't think to try to get a photo of the border sign. It really isn't that interesting, I suppose, so you can just imagine a big sign that says "welcome to New Mexico".
Hm. this really is a boring blog so far. Let's try to spice it up....oh, wait, I was in a car all day by myself...not too much exciting stuff to report. I stopped for food and fuel in Raton, NM, and had what I think will be the only fast food on this trip. McDonalds fries seemed like such a good idea at the time...yuk. There was a pretty nasty construction traffic on NM-84, with multiple long periods of being stopped in a line of cars waiting for a pilot car to lead us through the tangle, and I got seriously delayed.
I finally made it to Roswell after 9 hours and 560 miles. Sadly, even going straight to the UFO museum, I only got there 5 minutes before 5pm. They let me in for free and I jammed through the exhibits. No time to read captions on photos, just looking while walking past! I was surprised that the museum was more substantial than I would have thought. I zipped through to the gift shop before they shut down and got myself a new mug with the International UFO Museum logo on it! I think this is better than one with a cartoon alien face, don't you.
After the museum, I located my motel, checked in, unloaded a little, spent a little time laying on the bed reading blogs and checking weather forecasts for tomorrow before gathering myself up again to get some dinner. I ended up at a cute local place called "Nuthin' Fancy Cafe". I had black-eyed peas, cornbread, and fried okra for dinner while reading a Neil Gaiman book. Not as good as having company, but the food was tasty and filling, and I enjoyed having a little reading time today.
tomorrow I had hoped to go to Carlsbad Caverns, but I heard a rumor that there is a lot of construction on the road to Carlsbad, so I'm thinking about skipping it in favor of a better route. I figure I'll see how I feel in the morning and make a decision then.
I did take some photos today while driving (yes, it could be dangerous, but I only pulled out the camera when there were NO other cars around. I promise!) You can see today's photos at: http://picasaweb.google.com/1JennieSanchez
will update ya'll from somewhere in TX!
I had a busy, emotional day yesterday followed by a wonderful, grounding evening. I got to have dinner with a friend and had good food and really good conversation. I was a bit of a chatterbox, but I think that happens when I start telling stories. After dinner I went back to Dolly's and talked a lot more. I was so excited for my trip I woke up multiple times in the night thinking it was time to wake up! I had a really crazy dream in which I was trying to get to Shambhala Mountain Center, but the only way there was through a series of caves, and the caves were flooded (not to the ceiling, but with big lakes replacing the paths that I 'remembered'. I was pretty freaked out by the idea of abandoning the car and trying to swim across these flooding trails to get to SMC. I eventually did get in the water and crossed one part successfully. I was floating really well. Floating on my back, even. When I got to the other side I looked around the corner and saw there was another deep lake that needed to be crossed. I said, this is crazy, even if I do get across and get to smc, how will I get all the stuff back? I'm going to get all our stuff in the big red plastic boxes...that stuff won't float! Luckily there were others around who had experience with floods and when we decided to come back another time, the waters had all receded. weird, eh?
So on to the road trip.
I left Boulder this morning at 7:30 am with a plan to drive and drive and drive all the way to Roswell, NM. My hope was to arrive by 4pm so I could have an hour at the International UFO Museum & Research Center before they close at 5pm.
I had quite a lovely morning. The weather in Boulder was cool, and there wasn't much traffic in Denver. Things were pretty smooth sailing for the morning. I had good music: my ipod was set on shuffle, so I got a great mix of my tunes. It was so fun to get a Peter Gabriel song followed by Billy Idol followed by Death Cab for Cutie followed by ABBA followed by ZZ Top followed by Rickie Lee Jones (and on and on and on).
Since I was with just myself, I gave a big cheer when I reached the New Mexico border. Unfortunately, I didn't think to try to get a photo of the border sign. It really isn't that interesting, I suppose, so you can just imagine a big sign that says "welcome to New Mexico".
Hm. this really is a boring blog so far. Let's try to spice it up....oh, wait, I was in a car all day by myself...not too much exciting stuff to report. I stopped for food and fuel in Raton, NM, and had what I think will be the only fast food on this trip. McDonalds fries seemed like such a good idea at the time...yuk. There was a pretty nasty construction traffic on NM-84, with multiple long periods of being stopped in a line of cars waiting for a pilot car to lead us through the tangle, and I got seriously delayed.
I finally made it to Roswell after 9 hours and 560 miles. Sadly, even going straight to the UFO museum, I only got there 5 minutes before 5pm. They let me in for free and I jammed through the exhibits. No time to read captions on photos, just looking while walking past! I was surprised that the museum was more substantial than I would have thought. I zipped through to the gift shop before they shut down and got myself a new mug with the International UFO Museum logo on it! I think this is better than one with a cartoon alien face, don't you.
After the museum, I located my motel, checked in, unloaded a little, spent a little time laying on the bed reading blogs and checking weather forecasts for tomorrow before gathering myself up again to get some dinner. I ended up at a cute local place called "Nuthin' Fancy Cafe". I had black-eyed peas, cornbread, and fried okra for dinner while reading a Neil Gaiman book. Not as good as having company, but the food was tasty and filling, and I enjoyed having a little reading time today.
tomorrow I had hoped to go to Carlsbad Caverns, but I heard a rumor that there is a lot of construction on the road to Carlsbad, so I'm thinking about skipping it in favor of a better route. I figure I'll see how I feel in the morning and make a decision then.
I did take some photos today while driving (yes, it could be dangerous, but I only pulled out the camera when there were NO other cars around. I promise!) You can see today's photos at: http://picasaweb.google.com/1JennieSanchez
will update ya'll from somewhere in TX!
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