I was up at SMC yesterday and today. It was wonderful to be up there, to be on the land, to be able to hike up to the stupa, to to talk to the students and the faculty, to see a student presentation, to ring the big gong (one of my favorite things) and to get to sit and look at my own mind.
I had a great conversation with one of the faculty who is around my age, and she's going through something similar to me. We talked about boundaries and projections and relationships. We spoke of how complicated and amazing and painful life and loving is. How sometimes we want to go back to sleep...to ignore the thruths we've discovered within ourselves. Waking up and moving toward a more authentic life is difficult, and I hope that awakening will eventually lead to less suffering.
It is hard to love yourself when you know that you're causing so much pain to the ones you love the most.
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